If MLB's biggest stars were Transformers

The summer is all about three things: Baseball, beer and the box office.

Nothing beats the heat like hiding in an air-conditioned theater for two hours, watching the latest big-budget flick. This week, one of the summer’s biggest films hits the screen with the release of Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon.

There’s no secret these Michael Bay offerings are more about huge stunts and big bangs than character development or storylines. But, like that craving you have for a double quarter-pounder with cheese, we can’t help ourselves when it comes to this tripe.

So in honor of the newest Transformers flick, and summer’s other mainstay – baseball – here are MLB’s biggest stars and the Transformers character they most likely resemble.

Roll out!

Autobots

Optimus Prime is Adrian Gonzalez

Gonzo is entering his prime in Boston. In his first year in Beantown, he’s hitting.361 with 16 home runs and 71 RBIs. At 6-foot-2, 225 pounds, he’s a big dude with a big desire to win. He’s helped lift the Red Sox back to the top of the majors after a slow start to the year.

Bumblebee is Jose Reyes

The National League leader in batting (.341) is a total package of baseball talent. He can hit for contact, hit for power, steal bases and play a mean shortstop. Like the Autobots’ loveable warrior, Reyes has a ton of fans and is on almost every GM’s Christmas list.

Ratchet is Roy Halladay

The Autobots medical officer could be no one else in the bigs but “The Doc”. Halladay’s nasty stuff, mental toughness and endurance make him the cure for any losing streak – which the Phillies don’t see many of with their loaded staff.

Ironhide is Paul Konerko

Ironhide is the Autobots’ grizzled, old weapons specialist that packs a mighty punch, just like the ChiSox veteran slugger, who has consistently been one of the best power bats in the bigs for over a decade. He’s doing it again this year, hitting .324 with 21 home runs and 60 RBIs.

Decepticons

Megatron is Alex Rodriguez

While Detroit Lions receiver, Calvin Johnson, may already claim Megatron as his nickname, in the majors there is no player more hated – and feared – than A-Rod. His cocky attitude, shady steroid past, massive paychecks and movie star girlfriend are enough to make even the most casual fan dislike the Yankees star. However, his numbers are great and he’s having another solid season, hitting .300 with 13 home runs and 51 RBIs.

Starscream is Hanley Ramirez

Never ones to hide his true emotions, Ramirez and Starscream seem to be out for themselves. The Marlins shortstop isn’t having the greatest of years, hitting just .218 with four home runs and 21 RBIs, and has missed time with a laundry list of ailments.

Soundwave is C.C. Sabathia

Just like the Decepticons’ communications officer, the hefty lefty can throw a ton of weapons at you. Soundwave had an army of little beasties inside his chest, like Rumble, Laserbeak and Ravage. Sabathia has a ton of weapons in his pitching arsenal, including nasty breaking balls, flaming fastballs and sneaky changeups.

Shockwave is Miguel Cabrera

Shockwave is the latest Decepticon to grace the big screen and will be one of the main villains in TF3. He’s big, bad and transforms into a huge-ass canon. Cabrera sent shockwaves through the majors this offseason, during his drunken showdown with the law. But the Tigers slugger hasn’t skipped a beat and is still one of the biggest, baddest players, and transforms his bat into a canon every time he digs in.