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Vegas is finally functioning at 17.4% again, as the Bellagio fountains have received enough maintenance to have every second nozzle shooting streams without Jrock's kids urinating in the absence of the fountains. The Treasure Island Galleon has now installed a cannon on the starboard side. Craigslist actors and actresses have now been replaced on the ship by SAG union personnel who have had at least 17 days of experience in the theatrical and performing arts industry. However, the Excalibur Castle is now being invaded by fourteen year olds dressed as Warlocks. Things are looking bad as every window is being bombarded by customized tumbleweed, and there is nothing the Vegas officials can do.
I guess Vegas is now reaching around with the flexibility of a boneless Armadillo, as they offer that sexy underdog line on the Minnesota Twins coming off a colossal blowout against the raggedy southside White Sox.
The only thing squarer than the bettors on the Twins today is the Spongebob mascot at Nickelodeon Universe at the Mall of America near Minneapolis. Children under 6 ft tall are now permitted into the attraction, as Brenda spends her shift ornamenting 19 year olds with wristband passes.
19 YEAR OLD MALE GUEST: This is the Lego store right?
BRENDA: No, this is Nickelodeon Universe..Can you read?
19 YEAR OLD MALE GUEST: No. So I can't buy my Megatron toy here?
BRENDA: Not here no.
19 YEAR OLD MALE GUEST: (cries hysterically)
His parents try to comfort him by bringing him to the Star Trek Exhibition, as his University of Minnesota classmate Ciopang is seen walking out of it with a dark green Spock muscle shirt and figurine as he waits for his parents to pick him up so they can go out for Dong Pao Pang Pho noodles for supper.
In Southside Chicago, things remain calm as there are only twenty seven shootings today. I guess everybody is depressed with the White Sox team, and have decided to converge on the edge of Lake Michigan. Fakooki talks a number of them out of jumping into the lake, as he operates his Deep Dish Goat Kidney pizza stand right by the water. This heartwarming story makes the news, and Fakooki is offered a job at a South Side Suicide Prevention Facility, which he respectfully declines. The story even makes its way to Target Field's jumbotron, but nobody cares as everyone is violently waving their Twins flags above their heads while Joe Mauer hits his fourth Grand Slam of the game.
Take White Sox ml -114
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