His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his jersey already—mom's spaghetti.
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready, for NFL betting picks, but he keeps on forgettin'.
What plays to make, Week 17 is filled with doubt. He likes a team, but NFL odds won’t come out.
He's chokin', how, the Covers staff is jokin' now. The seasons out, times up, over, blaow.
Snap back to reality.
Sorry about that, we lost ourselves in the moment as Jared Hochman, who came down the backstretch as the staff parlay and teaser competition leader, coughed up the top spot last week, meaning defending champion Andrew Caley has a slim, yet shady, lead heading into Week 17.
Just as the actual NFL features a number of do-or-die games, the Covers competition comes down to our esteemed football experts needing put up – or shut up – to claim glory.
Who will prevail as the champ? Will someone win on a last-second hail mary parlay? Will more than two people finish in the black? Check out our best parlay and teaser bets for Week 17 and see how the cookies crumble.
NFL Parlay Picks Week 17
Andrew Caley, Senior Editor (@Covers_Caley) ***Defending Champion***
The Champ is back where he belongs—on top! And with one week to go we're planning on staying there by backing some teams with something to play for in a wonky Week 17. The Ravens take care of business. The Fins keep it close versus the Bills' B team. And the Jags are too busy working on the Trevor Lawrence introduction press conference to notice they're playing a football game.
PICK: 7-Point Teaser (Baltimore -5.5, Miami +8, Indianapolis -7) +120
Season: +5.47 units
NFL Parlay Picks Week 17
Jared Hochman, Publishing Editor (@JLHoch)
Well, here we are. Much like the Browns last week, we blew it big time and find ourselves in Week 17 needing a seemingly-simple victory to achieve our ultimate goal.
So, it's only fitting that I ride-or-die with the Browns this week to get me to the promised land (I can't believe those words just came out of my mouth). Then I'm going with another AFC North team, the Ravens, to run right over the suddenly-frisky Bengals.
And I'm finishing with the J-E-T....just kidding. I'm crazy but I'm not stupid. I'll take the Saints to take care of business against the Panthers.
May the odds be ever in my favor.
PICK: Cleveland -9, Baltimore -13, New Orleans -6.5 (+576)
Season: +3.38 units
Rob Hansen, Content Coordinator (@Mookie_45)
There once was a contestant known as The Champ,
Who got help from a genie in a lamp.
The Champ now sits at number one,
And you'd think he's already won.
But it's my turn with that wish-granting tramp.
PICK: Tennessee alt spread -6.5, Philadelphia alt spread +3, Indianapolis alt spread -13, Buffalo alt spread -1 (+790)
Season: -2.99 units
Jameson Mossman, Social Media Coordinator (@Covers_JaMo)
It is week 17 and I am sitting in 6th place. Hail Mary time!
Let us start by backing the King of the Hail Mary, no not Kyler Murray, but Aaron Rodgers. The Packers want that top spot and home-field advantage for the playoffs, I like them to win this one by a TD or more. Then we put our faith in the Big Ben-less Steelers because I don’t think anyone trusts the Browns after last week. Then we’re going Dallas, Washington, and Tampa Bay all at -2.5 to close out this parlay and hopefully a title.
PICK: Green Bay alt spread -6.5, Pittsburgh alt spread +7.5, Dallas alt spread -2.5, Washington alt spread -2.5, Tampa Bay alt spread -2.5 (+2,179)
Season: -4.25 units
AJ Salah, Publishing Editor (@Salas42_)
This week has a very John Wick feel for us. We had something (first place) taken from us that we held dear to our heart, and now, with nothing left to lose, we're going out guns-blazing on those responsible.
The only difference: my aim is more Stormtrooper than Keanu Reeves. Let's just air out this parlay that should put us in victory range and hope for the best.
PICK: New Orleans -6.5, Washington -1.5, Dallas -2.0, Cleveland alt-spread -6.5 (+1,010)
Season: -3.92 units
Rohit Ponnaiya, Digital Content Producer (@Covers_Ro)
It's Week 17 and I'm near the bottom of our Covers parlay pool so it's time to heave a Hail Mary. The Browns better be able to beat down the Steelers backups, I'm still on the Jalen Hurts bandwagon so let's go Philly, I'll fade my happiness by betting against my Lions and why is Glennon starting at QB for the Jags???
PICK: Cleveland -9, Minnesota -6.5, Philadelphia ML, Jacksonville team total U17.5 (+1,340)
Season: -8.2 units
Josh Inglis, NFL Writer (@inglis_josh4)
After 16 weeks of baiting these fish, it's time to unleash my long thought-out plan for a 70-unit move into first place. Week 17 offers plenty of opportunities, and my ascent onto the top of turd-mountain is pretty much a layup.
We are backing four teams on the moneyline, all of which have something to play for. Miami has more to play for than the Bills who could rest players late in the game with injuries at WR already. The Rams' defense is going to get them into the postseason. The Bears are the hottest team in the league. And the Steelers (resting starters) at +350 is too tempting in a divisional game where they can possibly end the Browns' season.
PICK: Miami ML, L.A. Rams ML, Chicago ML, Pittsburgh ML (+6,987)
Season: -11.8 units
Brandon DuBreuil, Content Manager (@CoversBD)
Only first place matters in this contest, so nothing short of a Hail Mary here with the only angle is to play games where something matters to at least one of the teams.
PICK: Baltimore alt spread -9, Cleveland alt spread -3, New Orleans ML, Green Bay -5.5, Indianapolis alt spread -7, Tennessee ML, Seattle ML, Washington/Philadelphia Over alt total 42 (+1,791)
Season: -11.8 units
Patrick Everson, Senior Writer (@Covers_Vegas)
So here we go: Week 17, taking place in 2021, so maybe that helps. I’m going with:
Cowboys -2: getting the worst of the line, but Dallas at least has something to play for against the Giants.
Bills -3: again, could’ve gotten a better number, but didn’t put this together until Thursday. Weather could be dicey in Buffalo, and the Dolphins don’t have Ryan Fitzpatrick to fall back on this week.
Lions moneyline: which is generally around +240. If Matthew Stafford doesn’t play, I’m sunk, but hell, I’m long since been at the bottom of the ocean anyway. Happy New Year!
PICK: Dallas -2, Buffalo -2, Detroit ML (+1,139)
Jason Logan, Senior Industry Analyst (@CoversJLo)
One last gasp to not only get out of the red but push ahead of the pack in Week 17. It’s not too wild a parlay that actually has some teeth, especially in Week 17. We’re going moneylines on Cardinals -165 vs. Rams, Jets +140 vs. Patriots, Giants +110 vs. Cowboys, and Dolphins +140 vs. Bills. Each bet isn’t too far out there, but combined has a pretty plush payday.
PICK: Arizona ML, N.Y. Jets ML, N.Y. Giants ML, Miami ML (+1,843)
1st: Andrew Caley: +5.47 units
2nd: Jared Hochman: +3.38 units
3rd: Rob Hansen: -2.99 units
4th: Brandon DuBreuil: -3.75 units
5th: AJ Salah: -3.92 units
6th: Jameson Mossman: -4.25 units
7th: Jason Logan: -7.8 units
8th: Rohit Ponnaiya: -8.2 units
9th: Josh Inglis: -11.8 units
10th: Patrick Everson -13.36 units
Standings are somewhat irrelevant—if you're not first...you're last.
Feel free to shout out our picks (or throw us shade) for our NFL teaser and parlay bets by hitting us up on Twitter!
Where Can I Make Parlay and Teaser Bets Online?
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