I keep losing last game parlays and am about to jump off my roof

How high is the roof? 

I don’t know what you guys have against straight bets. Put 100 on each and you are up. Just never understood parlays. 

Don't ever try to "understand" parlays.  They're a waste of money... Most people can barely predict the outcome of one event alone.  What makes you think that you can predict 2+ consecutive events? 

Because the stock market is never going to crash again.  It would have been great advice in 2008.  Now you're telling someone to buy into an overbought market that has gone parabolic to "get smart" and put his money in a mutual fund.  The market will retrace to either 16000 or 8000 within the next 3 years.......If it goes below 8000 you've got bigger things to worry about so I wont even go into what happens with that scenario.....

I spend most of my research time with college football and place straight bets with those.  I do a few parlays each NFL Sunday at a small fraction of my straight bets as I dont spend the necessary time to bet each individual game.  Keeps the day interesting without risking much money.

Am I living in opposite world?  Of course if you have a significant amount at stake in a parlay you should hedge it...that is a no brainer.

And regarding financial advisors....they are nothing more than glorified used car salesmen. I should know I worked in the industry for 20 years. Financial advisors are the past robo investing is the here an now.

If you really believe he makes these bets, you also probably think the Browns will win the SB

If you dont have the ability to hedge out on a parlay where you are winning $5900, you should not be doing parlays.