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In love with a married girl, pt. 2

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Prospect
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Posted: #26
What part of that was cockiness or macho ego?  I'm genuinely confused now.
 
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Posted: #27
It's not cocky to decline someone's invitation to hang out when you have other plans, it's normal human behavior.  And again, I don't not pay for her drinks because I'm trying to be cocky or cool, I pay for my own drinks and she pays for her own drinks because we're not on a date and that's normal human behavior for two people who aren't on a date.  So again I ask, what part of that is cocky or egotistical? 


 
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Posted: #28
What is it that you want?

If you want a friend, you got it...

If you want a real, fulfilling two sided relationship you don't got it here...

So which do you want?
 
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Posted: #29

Quote Originally Posted by skimordie:

It's not cocky to decline someone's invitation to hang out when you have other plans, it's normal human behavior.  And again, I don't not pay for her drinks because I'm trying to be cocky or cool, I pay for my own drinks and she pays for her own drinks because we're not on a date and that's normal human behavior for two people who aren't on a date.  So again I ask, what part of that is cocky or egotistical? 


I wouldn't say cocky or egotistical but you obviously have feelings for her and wants to take the next step. Yet, you don't want to spend a dime on her unless you are assured of something.

Yes, it is perfectly NORMAL to buy a few drinks even for a friend, especially for someone you CLEARLY have an interest on but no, you want some sort of reassurance first!!

As for the girl, she moved here to start a new life but she let her bf come and lives with her, too? Now, it's definitely NOT NORMAL and recipe for a disaster.

 
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Posted: #30
Quote Originally Posted by HutchEmAll:

You're stuck in friendsville.  She is not going to just leave her BF and then just start a relationship with you like nothing happened.  I tried this once IN COLLEGE and it doesn't work.  

My advice (if your issue is legit)?  Tell her you have feelings for her....more than friendship....and that being around her sucks since you can't act on them.  Then move on with your life. She's having her cake and eating it too.  

And even if you tell her this and she says, "OK, I'll leave my boyfriend," run for the hills.  It will never work unless she has some time to figure things out in between.  In the mean time, do your own thing.  If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.  

But the longer you hang around, the bigger schmuck you are.  I used to tell myself, "well, I really love her and I can wait."  BS!!!!! It's just an excuse.  Trust me, I did this twice in my early 20's.  Never again.  

 well said
 
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Posted: #31
Quote Originally Posted by bunny651:

I wouldn't say cocky or egotistical but you obviously have feelings for her and wants to take the next step. Yet, you don't want to spend a dime on her unless you are assured of something.

Yes, it is perfectly NORMAL to buy a few drinks even for a friend, especially for someone you CLEARLY have an interest on but no, you want some sort of reassurance first!!

As for the girl, she moved here to start a new life but she let her bf come and lives with her, too? Now, it's definitely NOT NORMAL and recipe for a disaster.


Let me clarify- I don't mind spending money- I usually offer to pay, but she declines.  Hence normal human relationships.  It just seemed like some of the responders were acting like i'm following this girl around waiting on her hand and foot and buying her things, and it's not like that.  It's just a normal relationship.

Anyways, I think we're getting caught up in the wrong details here.  You're absolutely right that the current situation with her bf is extremely weird, and will not last.  I have no doubts about that-she is extremely unhappy it is just a matter of time.

I guess the advice that i'm looking for is how to gently expediate the process of her moving out of her current living situation, without being too aggressive about it.  It is a tricky situation- she has just signed a lease to be there another year but is having serious second thoughts.
 
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Posted: #32
Again man, not to be a hater but you don't want our advice. You want us to tell you what you want to hear.

We are all telling you to RUN..Abort the situation, it will never work..Yet thats not what you want to hear, so you wont do it.

You have 3 options.

1 - Tell her how you feel, if she feels the same way she will tell you.

2 - Date someone she knows to make her jealous, and then she might want to be with you.

3 - Keep being a schmuck, chasing a girl in a relationship and asking for advice on a message board
 
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Posted: #33
It's just a normal relationship.
___________________

Not really.  You aren't satisfied, but are putting up with your dissatisfaction. Not a crime, but it's true.

Ask yourself what you REALLY are getting out of this.  My guess is the list looks something like this:

1. Being able to hang with her sometimes and fantasize about banging her.
2. The slim hope that she might leave her BF and hook up with you...hey, it's always possible, right?  Never give up!
3. Being the warm shoulder for her to cry on and the good listener for all her problems.  

Something like that. Where do I sign up?  

I guess the advice that i'm looking for is how to gently expediate the process of her moving out of her current living situation, without being too aggressive about it.  It is a tricky situation- she has just signed a lease to be there another year but is having serious second thoughts.

_____________

You do not expedite such a process....nor can you facilitate it with some "unique" approach.  

Unless you are willing to walk away, you are doomed.  You can't tell her how you feel and then say, "but if you're not interested, we can just keep doing what we are doing."  

There is no half way.  Either live with your current situation with her or put it on the line and see what happens.  


 
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Posted: #34
Quote Originally Posted by earthWake:

Again man, not to be a hater but you don't want our advice. You want us to tell you what you want to hear.

We are all telling you to RUN..Abort the situation, it will never work..Yet thats not what you want to hear, so you wont do it.

You have 3 options.

1 - Tell her how you feel, if she feels the same way she will tell you.

2 - Date someone she knows to make her jealous, and then she might want to be with you.

3 - Keep being a schmuck, chasing a girl in a relationship and asking for advice on a message board

We are on the same page, but I left out #2.  
 
Captain
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Posted: #35
Damn I might have to hit up Hutch for all my relationship advice. He knows his chit.

I remember in highschool when I was in love with this chick, who had a BF. I spent a lot of time and effort in this chick, and at the end of the day we dated for over a year.

Looking back almost 10 years later, it was one of the worst experiences of my life. It taught me a lot, but I look back at the old me and laugh at what a clown I was. Thats you now man, and you're 33 and not in highschool. Yet, you are kinda acting like it.

I wish I knew Hutch back then, because he is offering sound advice..But you know what, I would not have listened because I was thinking with my dik/heart and not my head. Until you start thinking with your HEAD, you are SOL
 
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Posted: #36
Quote Originally Posted by earthWake:

Again man, not to be a hater but you don't want our advice. You want us to tell you what you want to hear.

We are all telling you to RUN..Abort the situation, it will never work..Yet thats not what you want to hear, so you wont do it.

You have 3 options.

1 - Tell her how you feel, if she feels the same way she will tell you.

2 - Date someone she knows to make her jealous, and then she might want to be with you.

3 - Keep being a schmuck, chasing a girl in a relationship and asking for advice on a message board

Well I can't really "run."  We work together for the time being so i see her every day.  I considered #2 on the last thread, but everyone called me a douche for even suggesting it.

Obviously I know in my heart i am just gonna tell her how i feel and basically say that's that, if i never see you again so be it.  And i will feel much better afterwards.  

Guess i was just seeing if anyone had any advice that i hand't thought of yet.  But no one does.
 
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Posted: #37
 
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Posted: #38
Wear a tuxedo to work and throw a water balloon in her face. Bet you didn't think of that one.
 
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Posted: #39
I just wanted to give everyone an update, and to admit to everyone that u guys were right about everything.

So we went out to happy hour after work, met her bf for the first time- pretty much a dbag, talked about himself the whole time.

Anyways, it's me, her, him, and out mutual female friend.  She says to him "hey, just wanted to say congratulations."  and he says thanks.  I say for what?  and he says, "oh, i asked her to marry me a few weeks ago and she said yes."

hahahahaha i've been hanging out with this girl for the last two weeks and evidently she's been engaged the whole time.  (even tho no ring)

I'm such an idiot.  Make no mistake tho, i am heartbroken.  Haven't turned my phone on yet but i'm sure i have a bunch of texts coming my way.  I don't care anymore tho.  I'm such an idiot.
 
 
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Posted: #40
How old are u?
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