Rated g jokes

Why was French fries not made in france?

They were made in GREASE. 

WHY Did the snail paint a huge s on his car in Montreal?

So the locals could watch the s car go. 

What is big and yellow and makes your mom's day?

The school bus.

What is lost going from there to here het found coming from here going there

The letter T.

Why do crabs never share their food?

Because they are shellfish.

What is an owl's favorite subject in school?

Owlgebra

Your mamma is so fat......when I went over to her house the other night I told her it was chilly out....

So she grabbed a bowl and went outside.

Entire clip is funny, however 0:47 ft attempt is the best 

https://youtu.be/E9z7kfdBUOo

What did the plate say to the glasses. 

Dinner is on me.

What did the girl ocean say to the boy who asked her out on a date. 

Shore. 

Here about the new restaurant named Karma?

There's no menu. You get what you deserve.

What sits at the bottom of the sea & twitches?

A nervous wreck.

What did the duck say to the bartender? 

Just put it on my bill. 

The Past,Present, and Future all walked into a Bar and it got Tense.

This elderly couple living in the same Bronx apartment for 50 year and get a notice that the rent is being raised beyond the SS check coverage leaving nothing for food so the husband sits the wife down and says he has little to offer at this stage of his life to make any money but can still hit the streets and hustle for some fast cash. So that evening he wishes her luck and sends her into the night. The next morning his wife crawls up the stairs to her waiting husband. “ How did you do he asks her” she replies 4.10 cent! The bewildered husband says who gave you 10 cents ......Everyone she replies!

Bear taking a dump noticed a rabbit hopping by.

He asks the rabbit if he had problems with ding sticking to its fur. 

The rabbit said no Mr bear,  the bear asked are you sure.. 

The rabbit assured that he never had that problem.... 

So the bunny became charmin...

This one was told to me back in the 1980's by my friends 3rd grade little brother. Keep in mind if this little guy was ever caught cussing his daddy would have taken it to him. Never will forget his big grin as told his joke;

How do you catch an elephant?

Dig a big hole. Fill it with ashes. Then line the outside of the hole with green peas. Hide behind some bushes and wait.

WHEN AN ELEPHANT COMES TO TAKE A PEA, YOU KICK HIM IN THE ASH HOLE!!!!

Where do you keep all your Dad jokes?

In a dada base...

This man arrived on a busy day in Saturday during the winter. The morning girl called in and left alone to tend the cash turn on the pumps make coffee tend the sporting displays live bait.

Two men showed with traps augur snowmobiles and truck trailer needing bait.

They held there bait pails up every time the hapless store keep passed by... 30 minutes later and a bit discouraged of the wait the men were addressed how many shiners do you want. The man stated 1 shiner the keep a dozen? No just the one the men said.

The clerk said which eye you be needing that....

What is green and sings?

Elvis Parsley. 

Boy and girl were playing in the sand by the beach there diapers came off 

Girl looked at the boy and said can I play with that? 

Boy said no you already broke yours...

What kind of bee loves milk?.....

Boobies...

One time I knocked on a physic's door.

She said "Who is it?"

So I left.

Why did the chicken cross the road.

To get to dummys house. 

Knock knock 

Who there? 

The chicken....

Man 

and women fall to sleep.

The lady wakes up from a night mare and shreaks 

Wake up Get up get out my husband is home.

The man grabs his boots and flys out the window.

Lands on top of his truck

shatters his ankle...

Looks back and says what the HELL  , this is mY house.....