This is what I would do . Get a few cloves of garlic and slice those motherfuckers real thin , I’m talking like transparent , but not thin enough to where you can’t even see if they’re there , you get my drift , like I just floated a poopy biscuit in your general vicinity right ?
anyway , boom ! Throw in a pat of butter , just a small pat , like coaches do to the number 9 hitter’s butt when he strikes out giving the impression like he knew that the kid did all that he could do , knowing full well in his heart of hearts that uncoordinated piece of shit was gonna strike out no matter what , it’s just that he didn’t know how many pitches it would take …..
so bam ! We got the garlic , and we got the butter , now onto the onions , you can slice em , dice em , chop em , whatever , makes no difference to me , I ain’t an aristocrat , and I don’t need to be fed grapes by a buxom broad in a leopard bra as I sit on my throne either ya dig ? As long as an onion in some form besides whole is in that sumbitch I’m good with it ok ?
now I want you to sauté them shits up in the pan for about 5 minutes , hey ! Turn the heat down you asshole ! You’re gonna burn that motherfucker up like it’s Richard Pryor’s face during a freebase session ! Now simmer down now , simmer down , ok , you good ? You relaxed ? Ok perfect , now turn the heat down to medium and let that tasty concoction , well , I guess it’s gotta simmer down ….
beautiful job so far ! You’re taking direction immaculately , like an unskilled laborer who picks up every bag of mulch and walks it over perfectly to it’s intended destination .
don’t get all uppity on me just yet like you got this shit on lock though pal , that’s when mistakes happen , and we are just about to get to the capers and the sliced black olives so I’m gonna need you to pay attention . The capers are salty , think your balls if you were running away from a lion as you cross the Arizona desert in July .
You gotta be careful with them little critters , first off they’ll completely ruin the taste of this extravagant meal if you put too much of them in the pan and also they could fall and roll under the countertops and your stupid wife will think that they are dead insect shells or something similarly ridiculous . You don’t need any extra fighting in your household , especially since she’s now legally approved to carry that firearm .
ok boom like John Madden scarfing down the rest of the Turducken leg that Emmit Smith did not eat after the 1993 Thanksgiving Day game ! now put some olives in !
Ok bam ! We’re really rolling like an early 2000s rave ! Put that glow stick down and take that lollipop out of your mouth you fucking amateur ! We’re really starting to cook here ! Now the tomatoes . Ripe . Ripe . Ripe . Think Heather Locklear on T.J . Hooker . Round , plump , healthy fruit , that looks good all the way around …..
Shameezel ! Shamozzull ! Schott’s Brewery Incorporated ! It’s time for the red pepper flakes and diced up anchovy !
Now the amounts that you use with these two key ingredients are up to your discretion . Me ? I like a Lot ! Lot ! Lot !
the hotter and the stinkier the better ! Just like my ex girlfriend ! Bam !
now these must all sit , cook , marinate and melt into each other like a Caligula orgy , tossing , turning and intertwining like the many nude bodies and the sinful flesh did at his palace parties for about 10 minutes of ecstasy and carnal bliss …..
now the linguine . Fuck you if you didn’t cook the linguine . What do I have to do ? Tell you Everything ?
this is pasta putanesca . Now drive this over to the jail and give this to that hot little minx you call a stealer of your money , I mean , that girl that’s down on her luck and that is your girlfriend . She just may enjoy it !
You are wasting your time here Spock. Truly.
Your style reminds me of the old National Lampoon. Good chit Spockgat
Do you have the Disney + channel? He posts there on Saturday cartoon morning hour 
He also sends his picks to his jailhouse lover when adding $ to her commissary,,,such a thoughtful boyfriend
I cannot recall which one but one of the scriptards always refers to me as a henchman I take it as a compliment if it is the opposite of his insane belief system.
I 2nd Claw suggestion. I would put 20% of parley winning amount on Jags +pt. That way you'll win 80% or 120% of your parley winning total.
Option 2 let her ride hahaha. Chiefs ML is nothing 2be puss or worries about either. It's around 80/20% chance of Chiefs winning SU.
Let us know what you end up doing 
Established in 1995,
Hot Forum Topics
