I have my usual leech family and friends coming for my Thanksgiving extravaganza. Last year - Uncle Jim decided it would be a good idea to do a "TurkeyBall" - his version of a cannonball - carrying a turkey carcass with him as he made a tidal wave and the kids got soaked and the women were not happy. It was like a division of the sexes... All men thought it was on the scale from funny to awesome, and all women thought that all the men were idiots. The kids mostly cried. I had to drain the pool and have it pressure washed, because the kids took Uncle Jims example and threw their food in the pool also.
But rest assured - they will eat every last bite of food and if there is too much - they will pack their pockets with take home and not say thank you or attempt to reciprocate. I dream of a day when I am alone on my yacht with Mrs Vanzack in the solitude of the middle of the ocean on Thanksgiving.
At least I have my new short throw projector which is 150" so nobody can block my view of football or tell me to put on Toy Story or Avatar. Go get yourself some more crablegs Aunt Judy and stop bugging me. And no, I did not see what happened in congress or the white house this week - although I really did - I just dont want to talk about it with you dumbasses. Fill yourself up - make your explosions in my bathrooms so you can eat more - stay out of the pool with poultry - and go home.
And thats why I am thankful for covers. No matter how dumb you are, or how insulting you are, or how much I hate the words you type - not a single one of you morons will ever jump in my pool with a turkey carcass. So even the worst of you are probably better to me than my actual family and friends. So there is that.
Now, I present to you the winners....
NFL Season Record +21.0 units
Packers +7.5 (2 units)
Cowboys -12.5 (2 units)
Seahawks +7 (2.5 units)
Jets +9 (1.5 units)
GL all, and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
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