Cap, Did you knock it out of the park?

You motherfuckers are hilarious. From vegas’s standpoint, all you chalklayers won, the bottom line was, I did not hit it.

But for cap’s purposes, the night was a success. I’m going to fuck it tomorrow after the big game!!!!! I’m not good at scoring on the first night, I wish I had some crazy game like that but I don’t. Here’s what happened, it was a fucking crazy night, and if I could go back in time I would have DRANK LESS, for once. Lol. I think if I would have been less drunk, and less beligerent, I would have hit it.

So I’m chillin getting ready and drinkin some beers at my buddys house, (I came up to visit him in northern Virginia for the weekend for the big game, so that’s where I am. Fish_head suck a dick please ask for a mod to check my IP, stalker loser fuck).  We picked up a 12 pack, he had 2 cuz he was drivin,  I had 7 lol, and finally rolled out to pick them up at 930. He’s been telling me all week this chic is hot, and german, so I was like straight. All good. Well I’m already fucking tipsy before even picking them up which is a mistake, and he drops the bomb,  SHES AN AU PAIR . Both these chics work at fuckin starbucks. I didn’t even know what an au pair was, I was just hoping she was hot and a person. My buddy is dating adrienna, who was the other one. Mine’s name was Ana.  So now we’re on our way to ultrabar in DC. Bangin club there.

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And yes, thank GD she was not of turban descent.  All the above statements are correct, I wouldn’t have ripped the head thing off because I’m a nice guy, but I can just say that I would have made sure that she didn’t even make it to the club. Fuck I would have thrown her out of the car even then cleared it later with the FBI. i dont fuck with them.

The car ride there could have been the weirdest most awkward moment ever.  This is kind of where it started off bad, I got a little upset because the bitch was judging me early, because really, I thought fuckin European girls enjoy  weed. They don’t.  We started smoking a blunt getting off 395 into DC, and I try to offer it to her, and she asks what it is, I say pot, she looks at me like im a fucking axe murderer and says “oh no oh no we do not do that”. I just look at my buddy coldly.  Great move cap. Smooth. So we get to ultra bar right around 10, wait about 20 minutes, then pay the cover and enter.  Im already pretty damn fucked up upon entering, and it gets blurry from here on in.

What do you all do when you first get to a club? Yes we went right to the bar. I started with my normal double tanq and tonic, bad idea buddy.  Oh and btw, I don’t know if this was fuckin foreigner night, or DC just has a lot of foreigners now, but let me tell you, there were afghans OUT THE ASS. Still a lot of hot chics, but the afghans roll in groups of 30.  So I ask her what she drinks, it took me 5 minutes to realize she was talking about a mojito. FINALLY, she starts opening up to me and I pretend to listen about how it was in Germany and how she was drinking when she was 14 and the whole au-pair process. I don’t rmemeber a motherfucking word. Lol. But we’re guys, we pretend to listen. This bitch finished her mojito in less then 5 minutes and was already asking for another one! Cap is now elated, because even though she was hard to understand and spoke the most broken engliush I’ve ever heard, I knew I had a shot. She was a DRINKER! So I order another one, and a beer for me, DOWN my tanq and bud, she finishes her mojito, and then as soon as I’m about to light a cigarette, that FUCKING umbrella song by rihanna comes on.  “OOH I LOVE THIS ONE” she says as she grabs my hand and looks at the dance floor. At this point, fuck my cigarette, cap is excited, lets dance.

So we hit the floor for a couple songs, and I realize german girls can actually dance. I cant really, but at least she could. Lol. During the third track I snuck in a little kiss during the song, and holla’ed at her neck too. She liked, that very much. We dance to one more song, and at this point I wanna get another drink and find my buddy.  So we roam around, find him and her, and they went off to the ladies room. We hit the bar, get a beer, and discuss our nights occurrences. Im beaming at this point, thinking im going to get box.  THE NIGHT IS LOOKING UP. So  after a couple minutes of chillin, we go to find them. This is when it gets bad. Beligerent liquor cap came out to play.

I found the person.  DANCING WITH TWO AFGHANS. TWO FUCKING AFGHAN MOTHERFUCKERS. YOU SANDWHICH DANCE person!!!! At this point my buddy was already grabbing my arm, but I was already yelling at her “what the fuck is this shit” “who the fuck are those 2 foreign motherfuckers”.  Afghans, as usual, take the fucking box way out, and say “yo man were just havin a good time enjoyin the music, is that your girl.”  “I respond with no its not, but I suggest you get the fuck out of my face in the next 3 seconds”  My fists are balled up, that’s caps “tell” for brawling, if one of these afghan fuck sticks had laid a fucking finger on me or even stepped towards me I was belligerent enough I would have stuck them right in their fucking jaw. This is what got me intro trouble in high school and early college. Stupid Cap. So they walk away, I think I was kind of hoping theyd step up, sadly enough I wanted to fight. Should have just focused on the box. So I look up at her, she looks frightened, great job buddy, and what does my idiot dumbass yell. GD DAMMIT  YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE A DIRTY GIRL.

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