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I feel I may have contracted AIDS via A-hole today.

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Posted: #1
I was in an emergency situation today and shitting my pants was not an option.

I was working today and out of nowhere I found myself trying to find a bathroom in a huge building that I knew nothing about as far as the layout.

I excused myself from the conference room I was in with several others but of course I did not share that my ass muscle was getting an extreme workout due to a turd that was telling me I had no time left. I was scared! But I have never lost a battle with a turd since I was about 5

I am now in the hallway running around ass clinched looking like I saw a ghost. I find the bathroom and it has one sit down shitter. The problem is number one, the stall was not clean at all. To top it off there was piss all over that horseshoe shaped seat and it was one of those raised back contoured to fit an ass toilet seats.
I never sit on any public seat without wiping down and laying layers of TP on top of the seat but I could barely get my pants down without shitting all over myself. Somehow a turd knows you are close so it wants to test you one last time.

I was able to wipe off most of the piss but was not able to get all of it and had no time to lay out a TP seat barrier. So I sat down and simultaneously shit with pleasure but had the voices in my head going overtime because I was feeling the wetness of public bathroom piss on my legs and ass
Once I was wet I was like fuck it....Damage is done!

But my experience even 6 hours later has me not feeling good. As I shit my turd into the bowl at mach-1 speed, the turd must have entered the water at an angle because I got a recoil splash that bulls-eyed my asshole

That has to be the worst feeling to know that public stagnant toilet water is now dripping from my asshole

I know you can not get AIDS from a toilet seat but I feel dirty as a motherfucker and feel I am not going to live now. If I make to the morning without hatching an alien that rips through my stomach I will be lucky

My mind will not shut off and I might as well start banging 50 year old ten dollar truck stop person raw. Because that is the experience I felt I had today

I am considering not eating ever again to keep this from ever happening again if I live through this!

I just want to live  



 
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Posted: #2
dude...grow up already
 
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Posted: #3
Quote Originally Posted by houguy28:

dude...grow up already

No thanks
 
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Posted: #4
Quote Originally Posted by SALTY:


No thanks
 
Legend
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Posted: #5
keep us posted
 
Captain
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Posted: #6



so what have you learned young grasshopper?




flush before you drop deuces
 
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Posted: #7

Salty you're a character.

Male urine is borderline sterile. So if ya have to shit in a public place without a paper horse shoe, don't freak out.

 

 
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Posted: #8
it doesn't sound like you shit in a toilet that did not flush and had leftover piss right?  Did you say that you usually put extra toilet paper on the toilet seat before you sit down but because you were in such a rush you just sat down on it anyways?  

In your case it helps to learn what a catcher does in baseball.  Fly ball out, running coming home from third, stand up but squat down a little bit because you're going to have to make a tag.  You want your ass to shit right into the bowl, not off to the side.  Don't let your ass touch a toilet seat or a toilet period in a public bathroom.  If water happens to squirt back up, your ass is too high anyways unless you're a midget or something and then you are safe.  
 
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Posted: #9
The hover method would be ideal this situation. 
 
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Posted: #10
Quote Originally Posted by TheCrow:

it doesn't sound like you shit in a toilet that did not flush and had leftover piss right?  Did you say that you usually put extra toilet paper on the toilet seat before you sit down but because you were in such a rush you just sat down on it anyways?  

In your case it helps to learn what a catcher does in baseball.  Fly ball out, running coming home from third, stand up but squat down a little bit because you're going to have to make a tag.  You want your ass to shit right into the bowl, not off to the side.  Don't let your ass touch a toilet seat or a toilet period in a public bathroom.  If water happens to squirt back up, your ass is too high anyways unless you're a midget or something and then you are safe.  

My luck trying this would end up with my shitting into my pants that are around my ankles
 
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Posted: #11

You're far more at risk shaking hands than you are sitting on toilet seat with piss on it.

Just the facts.

 
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Posted: #12
Quote Originally Posted by searchwarrant:

You're far more at risk shaking hands than you are sitting on toilet seat with piss on it.

Just the facts.



That may be true Search but why do I feel there is timer on my life now?

I do not get that feeling shaking hands
 
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Posted: #13
Quote Originally Posted by SALTY:


My luck trying this would end up with my shitting into my pants that are around my ankles
I did that once shitting in the woods, pulled down my pants and squatted...the shit came out all right, but when the piss followed, all over my pants and boxers
 
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Posted: #14

Thats why i always stand on top of the toilet bowl when i have to drop deuces in public.

Way to high up for backsplash

 
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Posted: #15
standing on top of the toilet bowl has got to be the best answer because the only splash you can get from yourself is from your own shit.  Just gotta make sure you take your pants and underwear off, hang it off far away and then wash your shoes in the sink.  Woulldn't you rather splash yourself in your own shit, then take a chance at foreign water or piss getting on your skin salty?
 
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Posted: #16
 
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Posted: #17
Quote Originally Posted by TheCrow:

standing on top of the toilet bowl has got to be the best answer because the only splash you can get from yourself is from your own shit.  Just gotta make sure you take your pants and underwear off, hang it off far away and then wash your shoes in the sink.  Woulldn't you rather splash yourself in your own shit, then take a chance at foreign water or piss getting on your skin salty?

honestly, I do not ever see myself finding this a good alternative to any situation
 
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Posted: #18
Quote Originally Posted by HoldEm00:

Thats why i always stand on top of the toilet bowl when i have to drop deuces in public.

Way to high up for backsplash



Skills
 
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Posted: #19

Quote Originally Posted by TheCrow:

standing on top of the toilet bowl has got to be the best answer because the only splash you can get from yourself is from your own shit.  Just gotta make sure you take your pants and underwear off, hang it off far away and then wash your shoes in the sink.  Woulldn't you rather splash yourself in your own shit, then take a chance at foreign water or piss getting on your skin salty?

this man knows what i'm talkin about

 
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Posted: #20
I'm sure this isnt the first time liquid has been shot into your ass.
 
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Posted: #21
 
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Posted: #22
Quote Originally Posted by TRAIN69:

I'm sure this isnt the first time liquid has been shot into your ass.


You busted me. Are you related to Cleo man? WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am an ass doucher.

But I will not share my secret recipe of vinegar to water ratio I use though......No way Jose
 
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Posted: #23
Quote Originally Posted by SALTY:



You busted me. Are you related to Cleo man? WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am an ass doucher.

But I will not share my secret recipe of vinegar to water ratio I use though......No way Jose

so obviously you are a clean freak which is a good thing, worried about getting disease from other peoples piss splash and now making sure women get cleaned up the ass with vinegar before fucking them there.  So what's the secret?  buying an enema kit and then mixing the right amount of vinegar and water to shoot up the ass?  i would imagine its best to do this directly after your lady takes a dump.  It must be a lot of fun pre-meditating everything ahead of time as opposed to just seeing what happens on a date, getting drunk, fucking a girl in the ass later on that night, waking up with crusted shit crud on your dick the next morning and being irresponsible.  
 
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Posted: #24
Crow,

I was implying that I was a male ass doucher as a joke
 
 
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Posted: #25

Quote Originally Posted by TRAIN69:

I'm sure this isnt the first time liquid has been shot into your ass.

Ya to admit Salty, that was a good one.

Good clean fun.

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