Inspired by bigslick24ak's thread this morning, I wrote this e-mail to Mark Cuban. I doubt he'll read it, but for the sake of his lackadaisical basketball team, let's hope he not only reads it, but quickly jumps into action. By the way, I used my real name in the e-mail, not "MrBator."
Hi Mark,
My name is MrBator and I'm a professional sports bettor residing in Las Vegas. Wait! Don't delete this e-mail just yet. I'm not going to ask for any "inside info." Instead, I want to pitch an idea you might think of using in an effort to combat the baffling disinterest your basketball team has continually shown when playing in front of their loyal fans at the American Airlines Center this season.
I don't have to tell you that your Mavericks have played a disproportionate number of close games this season at the AAC, and in the lowlife world of sports betting, they've been nothing short of a pointspread nightmare. I myself was victimized just last weekend after I somehow talked myself into believing that the Mavs would be able to readily handle a Portland team that had battled with, and lost to, the Rockets in overtime the night before. My plan was foiled, however, and the game itself was lost thanks to the endless number of unstoppable moves by the great Andre Miller. Wait, Andre Miller?
Alright, never mind Miller. The point is that since November 20th, your squad has been favored to win 17 times at the American Airlines Center and, unbelievably, has not covered the pointspread once. Not once! To put this ineptitude in perspective, it is actually more disgraceful than New Jersey's 18-game losing streak to begin the season. Losing games to superior clubs is one thing, but failing to exceed the oddsmakers' expectations against inferior competition in your own arena 17 times in a row is a disgrace that the betting world can barely fathom. In other words, while being bad is certainly bad, being as lazy as your Mavs are..........is even worse.
So let me get to the point. You know and I know that something must be done. A friendly home floor, cushy amenities, cute cheerleaders, and adoring fans evidently aren't enough to properly motivate your boys. Even casual followers of this crooked league know that the Dallas Mavericks are a far more formidable force when they play on the road (just ask the horrid Knicks). So why not turn the American Airlines Center tonight into a hostile atmosphere instead? Start off by making the team wear their road jerseys. Have the Timberwolves introduced after the Mavericks, and let them enjoy the haplessly overdone intro. Order the cheerleaders to only celebrate good plays made by Minnesota's players. Offer every ticket holder a voucher good for the beverage of their choice at any concession stand in exchange for them openly rooting for the Timberwolves, and on that voucher you can include a brief written statement explaining your strategy. The fans will be on board with this, trust me. After three months of sitting there watching their team struggle mightily with the likes of the Bucks, Bobcats, Pistons, and Sixers, they'll be happy to try and help you trick the guys into playing as if they give a shit. Mark, from your baseline seat you can even chip in, too. You can scream at the referees every time they screw the Wolves instead of every time they screw the Mavs.
These are just a few ideas off the top of my head to get the ball rolling. I'll bet a creative guy like you can quickly come up with plenty more. I know this idea sounds like a desperate move and might be viewed around the league as pathetic, but you know what's truly pathetic? Going 0-17 against the pointspread as home favorites! The situation has gotten so bad that even the biggest squares from coast to coast are routinely betting against your team (when they play in Dallas) and cashing every time. That's just not right, Mark. Inept gamblers never recognize a goldmine until it's too late, but not this time. This is a stain upon the Mavericks organization which may never be erased, so let's do what we can to stop this embarrasing streak right now. Tonight. When the Mavs play at - uh, I mean, against Minnesota (wink, wink).
Regards from Las Vegas,
MrBator
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