Quote Originally Posted by begginerboy:
Just as I suspected, Scal, you are a mensch. One of the nicest, most thoughtful posts anyone has written (and most guys here will probably never bother to read it or think about it). I wish we could frame it. I grew up on those old twilight zone episodes as well and recall that one vividly. Of course, the reason it home for me was because my father was/is a compulsive gambler. Something I too, vowed never to become. I turned to gambling last year out of sheer necessity. I'm a stay at home dad with no income for bills and groceries and no funding to work on my dissertation (which is, ironically enough, on the topic of failure). I reached out to a couple of guys here on covers for help (as far as how to approach this gig) but no one here (who is successful) wants to give away their secrets and I understand, since knowledge is their only edge. In theory, I should be very good at this, since patience is one of my virtues. In fact, I've been waiting for something to happen my entire life (not sure what, but like the characters in Beckett's famous play,I wait). But what nullifies this virtue is my inability to handle losing. I've always been a bad loser. So I chase my losses, and that almost never works out. The other thing that hampers my abilities is my OCD, doesn't allow me to get the thought of losing out of my head, as I obsess over it. Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to write. I really appreciate your advice and will take it to heart.
Thanks for the kind words!
I am compelled to address several things in your post because of the impact gambling has on your life and more importantly, your daughter's life.
1) You do it out of necessity.
This obviously creates an extraordinary psychological burden upon you to cap effectively but also handle the daily stresses of life in addition to gambling stress.
This is just my own experience. I know several guys who have tried 'pro' betting for a living. I say this unequivocally: Every single one of them had to quit or were forced to quit and return to the labor force after going broke.
That demonstrated to me that only a precious few can weather the storm of gambling, be it discipline and capital available for such a pursuit.
Have you ever heard of Haralabos Vouglaris? He is a professional NBA bettor and lives the high life. Unfortunately he runs very sophisticated modeling programs (to the point where he hires programmers at $100k a year) to find inefficiencies in totals betting.
Having seen your posts, you are not such a bettor and even if you were, you wouldn't have the capital to outlay 100k a year to anyone. I am in the same boat.
This is, in my view, the only effective way to pilfer money from the books on a professional betting level over the long term. Wall Street arbitrage trading works in a similar way.
Why am I saying this? Because we both have similar betting styles and here I am betting for a decent profit like you but on my end, it's hobby. This allows me several advantages over your necessity capping not limited to stress but also extending to discipline.
It is extremely hard to cap in the fashion like you are. Still as noted, you have had some very nice success! I would like you to enjoy the fruits of that success with what you have won.
If there is any way for you to finish the dissertation sooner than later (easier said than done) do so and dive straight into the job market with the same fervor you give to betting.
I have found no more effective way to maintain a positive cash flow for my personal finances than to sell my labor (find a regular job). It is boring, it is stressful, it is mundane BUT it pays every week without fail to maintain a certain lifestyle and a minimum standard of living. And that allows me the disposable income to cap and turn those earnings into more income, with a clear mind and as a hobby.
There are no easy answers here but moving toward the above and finishing your dissertation ASAP is of the highest importance. And even if, as a last resort, you have to ditch the PhD pursuit, you can so this and still be VERY successful. I know several people who have made such a decision as well.
2) Your daughter
Do you see how you referred to your father? As a compulsive gambler. This is an overriding legacy he now owns in your mind.
I see you write it with sadness and regret that he could have spent so much more of his life doing something else, serving a greater purpose and ultimately spending more time with the people he loves.
Your daughter currently has this view of you given you disclosed what she said to you.
Simply put, one day you will pass away. You will not want your legacy to your daughter to be the legacy your father has in your mind right now, as a gambler.
Addiction is a terrible life-defining characteristic. Philip Seymour Hoffman will forever be remembered as a heroin addict by the general public, his wife, and his children. This is one of the great actors of our time and that is how he will be remembered.
Gambling, albeit of lesser 'scarlet letter' stain, still will be powerfully felt within the family confines.
I just offer this as personal consideration, not condemnation and in no way is it shameful.