Attention Penalty Box NBA Cappers

Nintendo    I was Gretzky....

Funny I always thought of you as a McTavish . No lie . Or as they say nowadays slangwise “ No Cap “ .

ya dig ?

cuz I always figured you to have taken some shots to the dome , whether they were hockey checks up against the boards , 4 foot bong hits in your dorm room at college , or a few like 50 cent while in you were wild and running the streets in your youth from a .38 during a drug deal gone wrong cuz you were just trying to hustle around the corner from where you lived so that you had enough money to feed your daughter .

but that’s me just guessing . Or maybe it was all a dream I had . I don’t know . You would have to tell us . But it’s no biggie if you don’t provide us with the juicy details cuz I consider you to be a bad boy and a man of mystery too . So take that take that take that ……

you feel me ?

and put a god damn helmet on you look ridiculous . And maybe wrap one around your Johnson too from time to time while you’re at it cuz you’re the only guy that I know that has more kids than Sean Kemp or Marshawn Lynch . And that’s beastmode so mad props yo 

Ever heard of Travis Henry......

11 kids  10 mothers....

RB   Buffalo and many others...

,I've fallen and I can't get up. Rolling around in laughter! You guys are great for the soul.

What's up Skubal.....

Have I heard of him ? I dressed up as him for Halloween one year . Payed 8 girls from the sorority a bottle of Rumplemintz each to chase behind me asking for money with baby dolls in their arms . It was a hoot . Sadly i didn’t even hook up with any of them hoes to see if I could make fiction become reality . Pulled the pud and went to sleep . Probably got off cheap and did the right thing in retrospect 

It would have been art imitating life imitating art imitating life till some bitch woulda got pregnant if that happened though . I’m glad it didn’t . I dodged a bullet that night . No seriously somebody shot at me and my buddy cuz he sold them baby powder mixed with baking soda and told them it was the China white . Thankfully I didn’t get any holes in me and bleed to death but I did sprain my ankle pretty bad and the next day Fat Tim and his crew finally beat us for the first time in pick up basketball . That blubbery monstrosity could jiggle his girth through the creases of the defense like he was Waymon Tisdale . But I like to think my limited mobility that day helped give him access to get to those lanes . Guy had four chins , each one sweatier and smelling like cooked pork worse than the next . It was like a totem pole of coolest pockets . Heard he had a heart attack some years ago . Rest in peace TimDogg 

Coolest pockets ?

hey yo , cholesterol pockets …..

anyway …..

red you keep that number one salesman status in your company ?

or fid that new up and comer Betty that’s slangin ’ her punani all over town in order to make as many sales possible pass you yet ?

you’re good old man but I don’t think you’re as good as some 27 year old silkmuffin ?

ya dig ?

#3  outta 25........

#1 guy is 75.....

#2  is 62.....

I’m just sayin’ , me personally , I think you got what it takes to go number one . So long as the grim reaper does his part and eliminates those two ghouls that are ahead of you .

For real , like once their time expires and they both meet their end whether tragically or peacefully you’ll be in the driver’s seat for that number one position . Then all the carpet groupies will be puttin’ out and throwin’ their snatch all up in your face son .

But be careful brother cuz when you sit at the top of the perch that’s when , like Tupac , it’s All Eyez on You , and that means the bullseye will be dead set against your pear shaped 209 pound body with those chopstick legs that are holding it up .

Damn bro . That’s an eerie picture that I’m imagining of your soft doughy frame there . Like a double corndog sold at a town fair is what I’m seeing when I picture your fleshy duffel bag-like worn and rumpled physique that has all those creases and wrinkles on it . 

If life were an airport you would have gone through that conveyor belt where they check for knives inside deodorant caps with that X-ray machine thing like a million times so far already is my guess .

And tossed to and fro , and on and off , the tarmac of life’s trials and tribulations like another thousand times .

But that’s the way it is right buddy ? We’re all just like cheap pieces of luggage getting jostled and beaten around and pushed and pulled to whatever destination awaits us in this life . 

but I like to think that me and you sit apart from the other personal belonging carriers in the cargo deck , you know , where they put the more important people’s bags and what not ,

like away from the pet area so we don’t get any pee on us and stuff , and to where we come off of the plane first , and then we’re thrown down the chute through that metal vagina in the bag area before everybody else , like the first and strongest births of a giant litter of Samsonite luggage .

but that’s just the way I see it . 

ya dig ?

@bigred84

 High, All good at this end. Mother Nature tho is being a bitch here. Gonna need you cheering tonight For 1 of these 3 to hit a home run RUIZ, CREWS or BELL.Just need 1 to enjoy a +EV. 

Ho Lee PHUK that’s funny 

Good god the whole thread is brilliant  mad props for the fun times….

Not sure I’ve read anything like it! The McConnell and Murray I’m still wiping tears away.  

Jaylen Green, cmon man…. Fantastic  

How does Joker & let’s say Donovan Mitchell survive your slaying? LFG 

@spockgato

 Rip Tim Dog 

If I were a betting man, would certainly take a look at the pies -140 

But I’m just here for the laughs! I mean, Big Red  keep on keeping on too….

JAMAL MURRAY 

Jokic looks like somebody cast a spell on a Mr.Potato Head doll and it came to life . And somewhere along the way it realized that it had amazing footwork and a flair for the dramatic , but instead of using those skills to follow it’s dream of becoming an exotic dancer that payed homage to the burlesque shows of yesteryear , where it would suffer in obscurity , and from the catcalls of grown men “ too sophisticated “ to just go and see your average cocained up hoodrat stripper like you and me , it decided to ply it’s wares on the hardwood courts of basketball arenas all across this great nation of ours , for money , and for the adulation of fans that it will never meet in person , although it has a great and fantastic impact on their rather mundane and uninteresting lives . 

Donovan Mitchell looks like Emmanuelle Lewis from the TV show Webster if he wasn’t born with a growth deficiency .

well , that , and a mix of like a guy who knows that he’s Dracula , but hasn’t fully come to terms with that fact just yet , because he has a conscience , so instead of mercilessly bludgeoning random people by sticking his pincer like teeth into their bulbous and veiny necks , he drives out to the countryside and attacks and drinks the blood of prairie dogs  at midnight , but leaves their owners alive and sleeping in the homes that are just a stone’s throw away from his insatiable desire and lust for human plasma . 

Hey don’t give me the clap .

How dare you . I don’t want no part of it .

I seen what it did to my friend Ronny on my basketball team from back in the day . Brutal .

He had more discharge from the tip of his penis than a whole San Diego marine unit that went AWOL while they spent a weekend down in Tijuana to catch one of them donkey shows .

The locker room theatrics were catastrophic and of an unimaginable quality with that retard because he thought that by shaving his pubes he could get rid of it .

motherfucker I says to him : “ Motherfucker you got Gonorrhea not crabs or fleas “

hahahahaha so funny .

Dude’s walking around the locker room balder than a new born baby down there . Coach called him “ Cabbage Patch “ . We told him “ what’s Verne Troyer doin’ between your legs ? “

God damn . It fucked up his entire season . From Junior year starter to bench riding green dicked benchwarmer . Even Angela the person wouldn’t blow him at parties . I heard he became an accountant in Kansas City Missouri .

hope you got some topical solution for your wangbone Ron 

new castle  a run away….

Tomorrow I’ll be on the Phillies 1st 5. 

Donovan Mitchell lmao too friggen funny..

what about that dude Derrick White, Celtics? 

Nintendo?  I think. I was always the red team and had Two fast skinny guys and two fat bruisers.  Those brawls were awesome little scrums! NHL 93 I rolled Nordiques RIP 

Derrick White looks like the kind of guy that although he has a medical card for marijuana , still from time to time likes to travel back into the seedier part of town to buy himself some herb ,

because he cares about the community and the common man on the street ,

but also because he’s a little cheap and doesn’t want to pay the taxes that our greedy states administer on that ganja , 

plus every so often he likes to “ get wet “ and buy himself some PCP , which his local dispensary doesn’t provide or offer ,

but mostly he goes back to where he first started buying his weed for the nostalgia of hitting this fine dime piece’s snatch that he used to throttle from back in the day ,

cuz when “ he’s jonesin’ to put the bone in “ he always knows that her roast beef curtains will open themselves up so that he can slather his mayonnaise all over her ham sandwich that lays there with the crust cut off in the middle ,

and make no mistake , honey used to be fine back in the day , yup a perfect 10 , with all the curves and bells and whistles on her booty body bicycle,

but over time the natural progression of gravity playing tricks on her body has resulted in her fall from grace numbers-wise , and she is now just a mere 7 on a scale of 10 at the ripe old age of 34 ,

but to be truthful , and honest , he goes back to buy his green leaf medicine in the barrio because he’s a pervert ,

and for none of the reasons that I stated above ,

because the real reason he goes back is that he knows that fine “ used to be “ dime piece he’s banged more times than an expert carpenter has banged a hammer , has a daughter , which is not his , and she has her 18th birthday coming up in a couple months ,

so he has plans on laying the groundwork for his next generation of endeavors into banging hoodrat beaver that is oh so delish 

* DISCLAIMER  : spockgato does not approve of Derrick White’s motives 

Do u mean  Coby White for the Chicago Bulls....

Coby White looks like a guy nodding off from the effects of heroin that’s sitting/slouching on a bus stop bench from the time in the early morning AM when people that use mass transit are going to work till those same people are dropped off there at 5:30 when their occupational day is done and over with