Troubled Waters

Quote Originally Posted by Iw1nBets:

SPEAK LEADER. SPEAKETH

Quote Originally Posted by ProtoStar:

I saw your post michael and how can I turn down a nice request like that?  Mike I want you to have peace in your life and hope your sex life is wonderful. 

On to my life .  I have been sitting on the roof lately and while not sitting on the roof I think about the squirrels that I befriend while up there.  They are glorious squirrels and there are 2 or 3 that have wonderful potential to really make a difference in their community.  What the squirrels need is for the father to stay home, that makes a big difference in how good the young squirrels turn out in life.  My father left me and I turned into a fuk wad.  Case closed.  One more thing I will say is that in the short time I have spent with the squirrels I think they sense I am a loser and have started making strange noises.  I think they are laughing at me, but I can't be sure.

So I was driving back from the doughnut shop and on a sugar and caffeine boost.  I drove beside an 18 wheeler and gave him the honk the horn arm tug.  He gave me a mean look and refused.  I was floored.  I thought about just turning the wheel as hard as I could to the right to try to get my car stuck underneath the 18 wheeler and just see what that gets me.  Maybe the driver would respect me more if I had done that.  But I didn't, as usual I chickened out and just cried. 

I then thought, what if I just keep driving and don't stop until I get out to Kansas?  Would anyone in Kansas notice me?  But I can't do that.  To punish myself I knelt down in my car seat on my knees, positioned my head above the steering wheel, and unleashed a whipping motion with my head and neck.  Hard and downward.  It hurt but at least I was not thinking about the mental pain anymore. 

I wish I was Peter Pan, that is the thought that runs through my mind every time I buy peanut butter.  I went to the grocery store and saw some wonderful young women there with nice curvy figures, beautiful skin, and skin as soft as a baby.  With an erection I got in line to wait for my turn to pay.  I tried everything to make it go away.  I thought about the mean truck driver, the one in a million Millsap game, and a box of rocks.  Nothing worked.  In fact it got worse because there was a beautiful girl in front of me.  I couldn't help myself and started talking to her.  I just asked her if she had ever tried the cereal I was buying.  She smiled and said yes she loved it.  She then turned toward me because I am kind of cute and I could tell she was in to me.  I had my hand in my pocket trying everything to conceal but couldn't.  She noticed my erection and immediately got a horrified look on her face.  I thought about running out of the store.  In a hurry she paid and left without looking at me again.

I cursed myself and came up with a punishment plan right then and there.  I slammed my hand in the car door first of all.  It hurt so bad I collapsed and cried in the parking lot.  People stared.  I then got in my car and while driving unleashed the head whip to the steering wheel again, just like earlier.  It put a whelp on my head, how will I explain that?  To finish it off I climbed up about 15 to 20 feet in the tree, said hello to the squirrels, and jumped.  Excruciating pain shot up my leg as I landed, I think my heel is broken.  I heard the squirrels making their noise, the laughing noise.  I am now being disrespected by the squirrels that I so desperately wanted respect from.  I hope you guys don't think this is too bizarre, usually it's not quite like this.

Rappers need to catch up with Danny Boy

Quote Originally Posted by Biscuiteater1:

Morning hoss iwin,does the above link work for you?

Quote Originally Posted by Iw1nBets:

Quote Originally Posted by ProtoStar:

Well I'm sorry I have not been here to post.  Things here are touch and go to say the least.  I am holding my own, despite becoming a crack head again.  That's right I am a freebasing freeloader.  I know, what a joke.  Where do I get the money for this you ask?  Countless trips to Wal Mart and out with the goods.  What a guy.

The only worldly comfort I find besides that nice long hit of the crack rock is music.  I lose myself in Christopher Cross.  What a beautiful man.  Sometimes I touch myself but this is only temporary comfort.  Whereas 180 worth of crack rocks last for hours, never coming down until the end.  Let me hear it from the other crack heads here on Covers!  I know I am not alone. 

A rattlesnake made a burrow in our front yard.  For punishment I have been sticking my hand down in there and poking it.  Oh fuk me it hurts so bad.  I make sure it can only strike once so I don't die from being bit twice.  I force myself to go 2 hours before seeking anti venom.  It gets really bad with severe pain, throwing up, and doc says if I keep it up an amputation of the arm.  So what I told him.

I think Ricardo has declared war on the other squirrels.  He is a bad ass.  I've seen him in action, in fact I have felt his fury before.  He and a few of his friends have made a pact to get rid of the other squirrels and the war may be over now.  Knowing Ricardo he will now turn on the other remaining squirrels so he is the only squirrel in the yard.  That son of a gun, every time I think of him I cry because he was there when I needed him but he is a bad squirrel. 

Broke as a joke I started going back to Taco Bell to buy the 2 dollar meal that comes with chicken burrito and duritos and drink.  I made the mistake of going inside the other day while there were a few brunettes in line.  You know I have a quick trigger and yes it popped out as soon as I looked below the waist.  You know how the line at Taco Bell winds around so at times there is somebody right in front of you?  Well it just so happens that I was leaning forward against the rail in front of me when one of the girls walked in front of me and stood.  I still had an erection, and by this time it had popped out of my pants because I was too lazy to zip up my zipper after I urinated.  And she was wearing a skirt with no panties.  The reason I know this is because as I lunged forward to look closer at the menu, my jimmy went under her skirt and, well, this is so embarrassing.  Even for me.  I don't know what to say other than to say it.  We are just shooting the dirt here guys.

I poked her in the ass with my jimmy, on accident.  She liked it so she didn't say anything, just backed up a little.  Instincts took over and I started pumping right there in Taco Bell line.  Stunned and bewildered, the other people in line had to go around me and my new found friend.  One woman tried to yell at me and I screamed at her to just go the fuck around me bitch!  The whole ordeal lasted only 30 seconds.  She finished in 20 seconds, me in 30.  All consensual and all astounding. 

Who would have thought this would have happened to a loser like me?  I instantly felt bad because I wanted to caress this beautiful girl but we were in a restaurant, I can't caress a woman in that environment!  I started crying and asked her to turn around and hold me.  She turned around but would not hold me.  She told me this had to be a one time ordeal, and it was fun.  With that she was gone.  So there I stood with my burrito and duritos, an empty man once again. 

Think of Laura  

Quote Originally Posted by IlliniBill:

Damn, I thought this thread had died.....I've been missing some major dirt shootin!!

Quote Originally Posted by IlliniBill:

Damn, I thought this thread had died.....I've been missing some major dirt shootin!!

Quote Originally Posted by Iw1nBets:

Quote Originally Posted by Iw1nBets:

Kinda boring friday. Played a lil ball then went to my cuz house and had a sausage party involving hydroponic marijuana and 40's of Mickeys. How I long for the days to have sex on rollerblades with Sonic girls

Quote Originally Posted by Biscuiteater1:

https://youtu.be/veDA73pGK-w

speaking of derby day 20$ across the board on Pants on Fire and Mucho Macho Man and a 20$ exacta box on same.