the_DG

Here's the blog version, with pics... dipshit.

Summer has arrived and millions of beautiful women are soaking up the sun at beaches and parks. These beauties are out frolicking along sidewalks and taking aimless walks in skimpy dresses and heavy makeup.

It’s a wonderful time of year for the average man to enjoy the scenery, but gamblers and sports freaks are far from average.
 
We don’t care if it’s a bright sunny day. If we have action on an afternoon game, we grab the extension cord and put the TV on the back deck - the only chance we have of seeing a woman is if the pizza delivery driver happens to be a female.
 
So as a tribute to all my boys who are sacrificing the panoramic views of summer for the love of the game, I offer you the hottest women of Canadian sports broadcasting.
 
I have chosen 12 of what I believe to be the finest women in the industry and will be facing them off against each other over the next week or two, and with your help we will crown one of these anchors the queen.
 
So starting with these two lovely ladies please answer me one simple question...WHO IS THE BETTER MOUTHPIECE?

Check out the other first-round matchups: Hedger vs. Paquette, Gaillard vs. Beirness, and Orlesky vs. Diakun.

Round 1 matchup: Evanka Osmak vs. Natasha Staniszewski

Evanka "Seabiscuit" Osmack
 
Born in New Jersey, USA
Sept 20, 1980
 
Evanka is a permanent fixture for Sportsnet Connected on a daily basis..I'm not sure if its her sleepy eye or the robotic smile, but there is something here that doesn't pass the smell test.
 
She is a big fan of synchronized swimming, field hockey and Ultimate Frisbee, so I can only assume she only likes to have a man around to take out the garbage.

She delivers the sporting news with authority and pride. In one sitting, I heard her refer to Janick Hanson and Cody Hogson of the Vancouver Canucks as Jason and Cory. Just like Ron Burgundy, she will read anything they put on that teleprompter.

Stay classy Evanka!

Natasha "Red Sonya" Staniszewski
 
Born in Edmonton, Canada
August 26, 1981
 
When the mileage on your car gets high, the hunt is on for something younger and fresher. Wives and female sportscasters are no exception to that rule.

The top brass at TSN know that we are all sick and tired of Holly "Fire Hydrant Head" Horton and Katherine "Hotel Head" Dolan, and that's why they have delivered this crown jewel..
 
She was a high school star basketball player and a won a provincial volleyball championship before heading to university to hone her skills in front of the camera.
 
Blessed with the eyes of an Olsen Twin and the height of a super model, she reminds me of an exotic European porn star. When Natasha is breaking the bad news to me about last night scores, I find a way to throw the ashtray at the wall, not the screen.

So, who advances to the next round: Osmak or Staniszewski?

Here's the blog version, with pics

Summer has arrived and millions of beautiful women are soaking up the sun at beaches and parks. These beauties are out frolicking along sidewalks and taking aimless walks in skimpy dresses and heavy makeup.

It’s a wonderful time of year for the average man to enjoy the scenery, but gamblers and sports freaks are far from average.
 
We don’t care if it’s a bright sunny day. If we have action on an afternoon game, we grab the extension cord and put the TV on the back deck - the only chance we have of seeing a woman is if the pizza delivery driver happens to be a female.
 
So as a tribute to all my boys who are sacrificing the panoramic views of summer for the love of the game, I offer you the hottest women of Canadian sports broadcasting.
 
I have chosen 12 of what I believe to be the finest women in the industry and will be facing them off against each other over the next week or two, and with your help we will crown one of these anchors the queen.
 
So starting with these two lovely ladies please answer me one simple question...WHO IS THE BETTER MOUTHPIECE?

Round 1 matchup: Sara Orlesky vs. Laura Diakun

Sara "The Meat Gazer" Orlesky

Birth year: 1980
Born: Winnipeg, Manitoba

Sara is a consummate professional who has the type of innocent beauty that can attract stalkers of all shapes, sizes and sanity levels. Her beautiful blonde hair and model-like facial features remind me of a shorter version of Howard Stern's wife, Beth Ostrosky.
 
She started at TSN in 2008 and specialized in CFL coverage. She is a permanent fixture in the locker room after the games, performing her postgame wrap-ups. Needless to say, Sara has had her fair share of "any given Sunday" moments while waiting outside the showers with her microphone.
But with a body like hers, she is obviously no stranger to male genitalia.

Laura "Sputnik" Diakun

Birthdate: Unknown. Upper 20s?
Born: Toronto, Ontario

Laura is an ambitious up-and-comer who has worked at The Score network since 2004. Her stunning sex appeal is enough to stop even the chronic channel surfer dead his tracks.  
 
Although she may look like a brainwashed Russian mail order bride, don't let her emotionless, cold, blank stare fool you. She is a fountain of sports knowledge.

When she's not in front of the camera we can find her behind the microphone. She has been blessed with a sultry voice that would make any phone sex operator green with envy, which she uses to host an all-female sports show on satellite radio.

So, who advances to the next round: Orlesky or Diakaun?

sergio garcia...i know..hes terrible..

bit for some reason his name keep coming up for me

hes good value...im on it..

Here's the blog version, with pics and videos of chicks making out and having pillow fights. Oh, Canada!

Summer has arrived and millions of beautiful women are soaking up the sun at beaches and parks. These beauties are out frolicking along sidewalks and taking aimless walks in skimpy dresses and heavy makeup.

It’s a wonderful time of year for the average man to enjoy the scenery, but gamblers and sports freaks are far from average.
 
We don’t care if it’s a bright sunny day. If we have action on an afternoon game, we grab the extension cord and put the TV on the back deck - the only chance we have of seeing a woman is if the pizza delivery driver happens to be a female.
 
So as a tribute to all my boys who are sacrificing the panoramic views of summer for the love of the game, I offer you the hottest women of Canadian sports broadcasting.
 
I have chosen 12 of what I believe to be the finest women in the industry and will be facing them off against each other over the next week or two, and with your help we will crown one of these anchors the queen.
 
So starting with these two lovely ladies please answer me one simple question...WHO IS THE BETTER MOUTHPIECE?

Round 1 matchup

Jennifer Hedger vs. Renee Paquette

Hedger:

Jennifer Hedger - or Genderfur - as she affectionately referred to in the transsexual community, hails from London, Ontario.
 
But don't let her towering height of 5-foot-11 and her masculine features fool you - she is all woman.
 
She has been romantically linked to former captain of the Canadian national soccer team, Jason DeVos, and later married fellow sports anchor Sean McCormick.
 
Although she is a natural athlete who dominated in volleyball and basketball, it was a game of girl-on-girl tonsil hockey that put the Hedgehog on the map during an episode of the highly bogus Canadian reality show, The Lofters.

Like a true professional, she excels when the camera is on and has been a mainstay on TSN since 2002.

Paquette:

Renne "the natural blonde" Paquette is 26 years old and was born in Toronto.
 
She has been working on The Score since September of 2009 and has carved out a niche on that network hypnotizing random men on the street with her sexy frame long enough to ask them a series of lame trivia questions.
 
Thanks to her Elisha Cuthbert "girl next door" looks, she would be the perfect type of woman I would like to date for an hour.
 
Although she spends most evenings pillow biting, she ironically rose to local fame after a YouTube clip went viral of her dominating a 6-foot-3 amazon woman with a sack of feathers during a match in her pillow fighting league.
 
She is a feisty personality with a killer body - unfortunately I’m unsure of her talent as a broadcaster because every time I see her on The Score I hit the mute button and grab the hand lotion.

Who ya got?

naw man..i hit the flip and grip because i was horny..wtf..

great story partyalot..

i dont have a natural gas lines in my area yet buds..i live in the east coast of canada..its very uncivilized here

my buddy is an electrician and my other buddy works at home depot and slid me the heaters out the back door for a few green fees and golf carts over the summer

so at this point im winning..but losing at everything else

on a side note..i got completely fucking loaded last night...lost 400 playing holdem at the casino..hit a rub and tug on the way home when i pulled into my driveway i threw up everywhere..

i was somewhat blacked out for brief moments..i can only assume that i made myself carsick on the way home from the brothel..because i never got sick at casino or barfed all over the back of some blonde piss mop..

but when i pulled into my driveway it was just past 6am..dawn had broken..the way i park my car i have to get out and walk around the back of it to get to my front steps..so when i got to the trunk i put one hand on the side of the car and just blew mad chucks..

it was a violent session..my eyes were so full of tears i couldnt even see..i just kept my head down hoping it was the last heave..i made 3 seperate piles..

i was wearing a pair of white cloth slippers from aldo..not sure if you know what i mean..kind of fruity..kind of tennishy..but light and comfortable and fit into my non sock don johnson state of mind..

needless to say they looked like i had just kicked the crap out of a bag of vomit..im not sure if my neighbour saw my performance, but the little asian lady at the laundromat has been witness to the aftermath.. i just dropped my cloth sneakers off at the laundront wrapped in my juice stained boxer briefs i used to wipe off that hooker with..

those ppl at the laundromat are like magicians..drop off a dirt hockey bag once a week..i give them 20 bucks..and 24 hours later it all comes back folded and clean sealed in shrink wrap..

amazing

i dont know how they do it down there at the laundromat

What does your nieghbour see...

Due to the rise in oil prices i decided to switch over to electric heat last winter..my drapes lay over the register under my living room bay window so for optimum heat distribution i open the curtains to heat the room..i was dating a fiesty little cock socket at the time and she got some sick thrill out of inflicting pain on me..i drove this bitch so crazy with my verbal insults and overall assholishness that her only response was usually a painfill pinch to my tricepts or a sharp kick in the shins..she would also grab my cock and try to shove it up my ass..otherwise known as "the goat"..i would defend myself in any way possible..headlocks..grabbing her wrists..taking her down and sitting on her chest..all while i laughed histerically..the more i laughed, the harder she squirmed, foamed at the mouth and tried to punish me..it was during one of these episodes that we got a knock on the door..it was the cops..turns out my nieghbour directly across the street was watching this whole wrestling match go down like silent film through my open curtains while i was trying to heat up the living room..

I’m not sure if anyone is aware, but the FIFA Women's World Cup has commenced in Germany. Although the event is off the radar of most self-respecting sports fans, there are a couple of very pressing questions that must be answered:

1. What are the odds?

2. Which chicks on Team Canada would you play footsie with?
 
Canada’s next game is Thursday morning against France and all the action can be found at Bet365.com
 
Oddsmakers have set a generous payday of +230 for a draw. France is slightly favored at +150 and a Team Canada win will fetch you +180 on your dollar.

The Canucks are seeded sixth in the event but what are they ranked in your heart?
 
Here’s a few of the finest exports Canada has sent to Germany since World War 2:
 
For the gentleman who prefers blondes, we have 22 year old midfielder Kaylyn Kyle, hailing from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. She has a name any up-and-coming pornstar would love to infringe copyrights on and the hair of a barbie doll. But dont let her low budget Carrie Underwood looks fool you, she is a fierce competitor who can make any man cringe when she tries to bend it like Beckham.
 
What about 20-year-old forward Jonelle Foligno from Mississauga, Ontario? Her sparkling eyes and flowing dark hair remind me Carmen Electra. Her pure sex appeal inspires me to throw one dollar bills after she scores a goal.
 
This conversation wouldn't be complete unless we include the classic "Girl Next Door". Twenty-four-year-old goalkeeper Stephane Labbe from Edmonton, Alberta is just plain Jane enough to let her natural beauty carry her to the gold medal. And what man wouldn't be interested in a woman who specializes in handling balls?

GERRY DEE IS NOT FUNNY - This sentence was ringing through my head as I watched The Score (Canadian TV sports network) and shit out a Delisio/Dejourno pizza. So I pumped that exact sentence into the truth meter known as Google and was pleased to see that millions agree with me.

TIGER WOODS MADE A TRIPLE BOGEY AND QUIT- We have all played with that guy who walked off the course after a humiliating snowman. Well yesterday that snowman was Tiger. Last year he walked off the course after being served with divorce papers during his round. Losses of over $100 million would cause me to bulge a disk in my neck too. I can justify that abortion last year, but yesterday, I can’t overlook. Is anyone really buying the knee bone is connected to the shin bone, which flared up the Achilles tendon bullshit?

THE TWO TALIBAN SUICIDE BOMBERS IN PAKISTAN WERE WEARING A LAKERS AND A CELTICS JERSEY. I think this is self-explanatory.

The thrill of gambling usually culminates with a monetary result...but there is so much more to the act that occurs before its finality. The fiscal aspect is just a way of keeping score..the real pleasure is watching the action unfold...
 
I envy those mechanical sociopaths who can simply research their action, pull the trigger on a handful of wagers and then go to bed. They wake up the next morning with breakfast and a newspaper only to patiently leaf through it until they reach the sports section and check their scores like lottery numbers..
 
I cant do that...
 
When i make my plays i want to watch my predictions reward me..i cant sleep until every game is over and my fate is decided..unfortunately my basic cable bundle rarely offers me the games that i have spent the day researching.. i salivate when i realize the elon college basketball team has to take 3 buses and ferry to play the charlestown cougars, but whats the chances that im going to be able to watch the game on tv..
 
Its angles and edges like this which leads me to the best friend this gambler can find..The Gametracker
 
Basketball on the gametracker is a decent fix for a sick gambler in the dark...a basketball game is high paced and scoring is very frequent..when your down 10 points your still alive..i stare at the screen and hope for the best..if my team misses the shot the next best thing for that gametracker to tell me is offensive rebound..i hang on every word it spits out to me..they have even gone as far as to add a pilon representing the player that shoots the ball and i can actually see the ball go in the hoop or clank off the rim..its like atari for sick depraved degenerates..
 
Football is also somewhat enjoyable on the gametracker..i get to see the field and when the quarterback throws a big pass i get a bright yellow line highlighting its forward progress..its these momentary bursts of positive yardage that lights me up like a firework in between extended periods of absolutely nothingness that keep me going..at times i find myself refreshing the gametracker even though it says it automatically refreshes just to see if its experiencing some type of glitch..
 
Its only when you take the time to acknowledge all the commercials, whistles, instant replays and all around stoppages of play throughout an afternoon of football that you can appreciate the torture and insanity of relying soley on the gametracker..dont get me wrong, im sure a normal well adjusted human being with all the trappings of a sane existence can use the gametracker in moderation, but i cant...if i had a dog to walk or an errand to run the gametracker would be a great tool to help me check up on my action occasionally..but i dont have any of those things..i get horizontal and place the lap top top on my chest until it melts the skin while only getting up to use the bathroom and pay the pizza delivery driver when the doorbell rings..
 
But it only get worse from here..because basketball and football is like watching doubles ping pong compared to baseball and hockey on the gametracker..
 
Hockey is the worst...nhl.com knows it too..they are so starved for things to update on it they they have incorporated body checks in to the mix..can i bet on body checks..theres nothing like settling down with a 300 dollar wager on the new jersey devils only to lose 1-0..your only company for those hours were the odd update of a shot on net and hooking penalty
 
Baseball is a bore to watch live..think about how much fun it is on the gametracker when you got 500 on the yankees..at least mlb.com is aware of this and theyve added a feature where you can see the pitch come down the pipe with a colorful line..
 
I thought i had hit the bottom of the barrell with hockey..but i recently found out that mls soccor on the gametracker is the guantanamo bay of sporting information..i found myself getting excited for yellow and red cards being issued..no goals..a few shots..4 hours later my bet is pushed..good times
 
This week the sickness continues..iihf world hockey..this game tracker offers me a new and exciting type of waterboarding..they dont even have graphics, strictly text..i bet finland over latvia the other day..a normal person could just wake up whenever and check the score periodically..not me, i set my alarm for this abuse..got up early and made sure i watched every minute..
 
But the gametracker is all i have sometimes..so ill dance with the devil i know.. and even at its worst it beats the ticker at the bottom of the screen on espn.

i pulled the trigger on this..any thoughts

nice work guys...keep the negetive posters away from us..we always had a chance..it was never a dead bet at any point

keep the faith

im sick of pros playing like bums

168 after 42 minutes.....

 

6 mins left..26 points

its on pace..stay positive