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Asking for acceptance

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Posted: #351
where is the dirt?
 
Prospect
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Posted: #352
dopey fair question.  Wifey works her ass off.  Pays the bills.  She understands that I am in the situation I am in and she is a great person and sticks by me.  I tell her that I will try to get better, beat my addiction and I will try.  If it kills me eventually I'm going to fight back. 

Actually I have been fighting back every day just to be here alive.  So many of my friends and aquaintences died in their teens and twenties from drugs.  Or they are in jail doing decades or life. 

When I was younger and could get f'ed up and still function I did work, would get fired, then work again.  Never got a shot at the family business because I was too blasted all the time.  She knows I want to work but cant.  She knows I am depressed for real.

I like the song you put up I had not heard it before and that is rare.  I think you put it up earlier in this thread but my memory is not very good.

Wife is at the party.  I feel like trash.  My daughter been funny lately copying oscar on sesame street and she tells people go away you pest.  We laugh when she says it and tell her just to keep it a joke between the family.  I dont want her to be kicked out of pre school.

I feel like a pest.  Like no better than the rat in my wall chewing its way to get in.  Even worse than him because at least he is working.

I wish you all great lives full of pleasure.  I may be too far gone but I try baby steps like spitfire wants me to.

I reach and strain for happiness.  I come up empty.  I think back in time about the young girls I caressed, touched, and became one with.  How good it felt.  I fell in love every time maybe thats my problem I am a hopeless romantic. 

Oh boy its time to take mah pills.

This is a song that is one of my all time favorites.  One of the best songs ever produced.  Puts me in a dream state.  I need this.  Its so beautiful.

Kiss and Say Goodbye



 
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Posted: #353
most gamblers get depressed too...
 
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Posted: #354
You are what your genetics make to be.  You are your mom and her family, and your dad and his family, combined.  If depression or cancer or drug addiction or suicidal tendencies -not the great rock band- or anything else runs in your family you are more likely to get it.  The more prevalent it is in your family the more likely you are to get it.

My aunt has tried to commit suicide twice and has split personality.  My dad was a drug addict and drug dealer at the same time who struggled with depression and anxiety his whole life.  My cousin committed suicide on my birthday we think because he was my best friend growing up and had stolen my wifes checkbook and written checks all over the place to fuel his drug addiction.  We think he overdosed on my birthday to let me know how sorry he was and to end his life of addiction misery.  He had been trying to apologize to me and my wife but we said we would wait a while before taking him back.  Yes this haunts me.

Both of my grandparents on dads side died from drug addiction and alcoholism.  Liver cancer and heart attack to be exact, both caused by drugs and alcohol.  My great grandfather worked on the trains and died from being drunk and falling onto the train tracks.  My grandfather on my moms side was a doctor who had to go into treatment for opiate addiction.  My sister is a 25 year crack addict who smokes crack 5 times a week along with drinking every night.  She has been diagnosed as bi polar.

My point is that it runs in my family.  Before I ever started drugs and alcohol I knew something was not right with me.  I would go to school and didn't want to talk to anyone and felt extremely nervous and sad all the time for no reason.  When they started making fun of me it got worse of course. 

My point is that before I ever started gambling I had depression and anxiety issues, it runs in my family, and its one of the main reasons I turned to alcohol and drugs.  That and the fact that they made me feel like I was in an almost orgasmic type state all the time.

After years of hard drug abuse and ups and downs of gambling, my brain is more depressed than ever.  This is a fact.  I try to sleep normally and I go from having to sleep 14 hours a day to not being able to sleep 4 hours a night.  This alternates. 

The difference between me and the average gambler who loses and gets upset is that I am depressed to begin with before I ever lose.  When I say I feel happy, my happy is not the same as a normal persons happy.  I don't have the capacity to feel as happy as a normal person.

When I say I don't talk to anybody else I mean I dont talk to anyone.  I have no friends at all.  No outside contact with anyone.  I had to make that decision in order to stop drinking and hard drugs like ICE and crack. 

Wife and kid is all I have.  7 years ago my life was far worse off because when I came down from a crack binge I would lose it and it was bad.  Ended up in many psych wards.  I was diagnosed as bi polar except I dont get the highs.  I am just depressed with the exception of being on the influence and when I win a game. 


 
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Posted: #355
Quote Originally Posted by ProtoStar:

You are what your genetics make to be.  You are your mom and her family, and your dad and his family, combined.  If depression or cancer or drug addiction or suicidal tendencies -not the great rock band- or anything else runs in your family you are more likely to get it.  The more prevalent it is in your family the more likely you are to get it.

My aunt has tried to commit suicide twice and has split personality.  My dad was a drug addict and drug dealer at the same time who struggled with depression and anxiety his whole life.  My cousin committed suicide on my birthday we think because he was my best friend growing up and had stolen my wifes checkbook and written checks all over the place to fuel his drug addiction.  We think he overdosed on my birthday to let me know how sorry he was and to end his life of addiction misery.  He had been trying to apologize to me and my wife but we said we would wait a while before taking him back.  Yes this haunts me.

Both of my grandparents on dads side died from drug addiction and alcoholism.  Liver cancer and heart attack to be exact, both caused by drugs and alcohol.  My great grandfather worked on the trains and died from being drunk and falling onto the train tracks.  My grandfather on my moms side was a doctor who had to go into treatment for opiate addiction.  My sister is a 25 year crack addict who smokes crack 5 times a week along with drinking every night.  She has been diagnosed as bi polar.

My point is that it runs in my family.  Before I ever started drugs and alcohol I knew something was not right with me.  I would go to school and didn't want to talk to anyone and felt extremely nervous and sad all the time for no reason.  When they started making fun of me it got worse of course. 

My point is that before I ever started gambling I had depression and anxiety issues, it runs in my family, and its one of the main reasons I turned to alcohol and drugs.  That and the fact that they made me feel like I was in an almost orgasmic type state all the time.

After years of hard drug abuse and ups and downs of gambling, my brain is more depressed than ever.  This is a fact.  I try to sleep normally and I go from having to sleep 14 hours a day to not being able to sleep 4 hours a night.  This alternates. 

The difference between me and the average gambler who loses and gets upset is that I am depressed to begin with before I ever lose.  When I say I feel happy, my happy is not the same as a normal persons happy.  I don't have the capacity to feel as happy as a normal person.

When I say I don't talk to anybody else I mean I dont talk to anyone.  I have no friends at all.  No outside contact with anyone.  I had to make that decision in order to stop drinking and hard drugs like ICE and crack. 

Wife and kid is all I have.  7 years ago my life was far worse off because when I came down from a crack binge I would lose it and it was bad.  Ended up in many psych wards.  I was diagnosed as bi polar except I dont get the highs.  I am just depressed with the exception of being on the influence and when I win a game. 




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gFl2OXySs8

 
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Posted: #356
I wish you all great lives full of pleasure.  I may be too far gone but I try baby steps like spitfire wants me to.



That's the spirit! 
 
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Posted: #357
And don't smoke any more crack, proto.



Crack is bad for you. 
 
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Posted: #358
Quote Originally Posted by legwand:

Misery loves company so I figured I would contribute my misery to this thread as well. Proto isn't the only one who is going through hard times.

You need to join fubar.com and make some friends. Being broke is not that bad, we learn to live with what life offers us. Be happy for what you have and thank, God you wake up everyday. Be thankful you have a job.

Oh ya everybody clean out your closets and give to the sheters, to keep the homeless warm this winter.

 
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Posted: #359
Crack is bad, life is all about choices Proto....Yes our Genetic makeup does constitute what are tendencies may be, but you still choose...

And in all due respect i think that last comment is kind of a cop out, a lot of people buck the trend no matter how hard...you want some more music to start your day and make you feel better Brother Ali always helps me out, let me know what you think of this Proto...Good Lord

Merry Christmas Mutherfu#$ers....
 
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Posted: #360
Proto,

Where u from?  We need to get together and shoot the dirt in person. I am an alcoholic and drug addict and at one point was almost as depressed as you sound.  I went to rehabs, AA, all of that crap and couldn't stop the same endless cycle of screwing up and feeling pathetic.  That said eventually after 7 yrs of trying I did quit and eventually got over the depression too.  It's not too late I thing I can help you.
 
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Posted: #361
is this post gona be like corona ball, that was the best post of all time we need to bring that back
 
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Posted: #362
this is a deep thread..some very funny posts in this thread as well, including the first post of this..i feel for you ProtoStar but understand that you are young (mid 30's)...plenty of time to turn things around

Quote Originally Posted by rubberband-man:

is this post gona be like corona ball, that was the best post of all time we need to bring that back


coronoball thread was one of the best, if not the best ever...anybody have a copy of it lol
 
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Posted: #363
this is a deep thread...some very funny posts in this thread as well, including the first post of this thread..i feel for you ProtoStar but understand that you are young (mid 30's)...plenty of time to turn things around...good luck
 
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Posted: #364
Quote Originally Posted by ALSNOW:

Proto,

Where u from?  We need to get together and shoot the dirt in person. I am an alcoholic and drug addict and at one point was almost as depressed as you sound.  I went to rehabs, AA, all of that crap and couldn't stop the same endless cycle of screwing up and feeling pathetic.  That said eventually after 7 yrs of trying I did quit and eventually got over the depression too.  It's not too late I thing I can help you.



 
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Posted: #365
I liked the thread where the guy was talking about whether or not he should have sex with his neighbor...he had a girlfriend...ended up showing a pic...long story short it was a pic he had found on some obscure porn site....anyone remember that one????
 
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Posted: #366

GEORGE BUSH VS JOHN LENNON

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFkh7sDgAcM
 

 
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Posted: #367
Quote Originally Posted by dopalicous:

I liked the thread where the guy was talking about whether or not he should have sex with his neighbor...he had a girlfriend...ended up showing a pic...long story short it was a pic he had found on some obscure porn site....anyone remember that one????


no i dont thnk i saw that one was that long ago
 
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Posted: #368
Quote Originally Posted by dopalicous:

I liked the thread where the guy was talking about whether or not he should have sex with his neighbor...he had a girlfriend...ended up showing a pic...long story short it was a pic he had found on some obscure porn site....anyone remember that one????


lol i do
 
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Posted: #369
can  someone find it? i can always use a good laugh...
 
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Posted: #370
proto...does being depressed manifest into physical symptoms with you
 
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Posted: #371

you want acceptance? pick the winner in this mess....

Pepperdine @ Fresno State (-2.5)

pick this bastard and you'll earn some friends in a freakin hurry.

BOL to ya

 
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Posted: #372

PENN AND TELLER EXPLAIN THE BIBLE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RV46fsmx6E
 

 
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Posted: #373
Quote Originally Posted by CRRECORDS:

PENN AND TELLER EXPLAIN THE BIBLE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RV46fsmx6E
 



Quality... 56 posts in 11years?  You make them count
 
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Posted: #374
Let me take this layup about the Penn and Teller thing.  For those of you who don't know I am a Christian.

The fist thing I want to point out is that the Bible is not in chronological order.  I have a chronologically ordered Bible as well as 2 or 3 regular Bibles.

Penn and Teller are very misinformed and neither is very smart.  I quit listening after the second part where the "expert" they bring in talks about Genesis and then Noah's ark.  He says that in the first chapter God creates both man and woman at the same.  Well, no it doesnt.

I have the Bible in my lap, it doesn't say any such thing.  It says in Genesis 1 verse 27: "And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."

Where in does it say he created them at the same time?  It doesn't.  It only says that God created man and woman in his image.  Penn and Teller's expert claims it does.  Strike 1.

In Chapter 2 it simply goes into detail of how man and woman were created.  They were not created at the same time.  Chapter 2 explains it in verse 22.

So now that Penn and Teller have been humiliated after the first point they made, let me talk about the 2nd point, Noah's ark.  This is the last totally invalid point I will debunk using another website or 2.   

Noah's ark

Noah's ark 2

There are also literally tens of thousands of other sources out there giving you a clear picture of how it happened. 

So the first 2 points they make with their expert are totally invalid. 

I'm not going further with those clowns.

This thread was not made to be a religious thread, there are other threads about religion I have posted in.  I will not respond to any more posts about religion in this thread.  I will tell you this.

There is not 1 thing in the Bible that has been dis-proven by science. 

For those of you who know anything about science and don't believe in God then explain these questions.  Where did the first atom come from?  How did the electron get its negative charge and the proton its positive charge?  How did all the forces in the universe like gravity get set into motion?  The big bang had to be caused by something.  Steven Hawkins tried to give a possible explanation recently for these questions but his answer included the force of gravity as something that has always been there!  No Steven, forces do not appear out of thin air unless you have a God present.

There has to be an original creator, a God.  There is on other possible explanation for where the first "things" came from. 

Science backs up what is said in the Bible.   







 
 
 
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Posted: #375
michaelpaul yes it does.  Read my posts.  I have severe sleep problems.  Here are some symptoms of depression I just clicked on the first link I came to when googled.  My answer to them is to the right.

  • Agitation, restlessness, and irritability-yes
  • Dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss-yes, gained 50 pounds.
  • Extreme difficulty concentrating-no not extreme
  • Fatigue and lack of energy-yes extreme
  • Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness-yes extreme
  • Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and inappropriate guilt-yes extreme
  • Inactivity and withdrawal from usual activities, a loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed (such as sex)-yes extreme
  • Thoughts of death or suicide-yes extreme
  • Trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping-yes extreme
michael you are a good guy as all the people who post here are.  I wish you total peace and tranquility in your days as a man here on this tough Earth to live on.  Peace and tranquility brother.

Today was a decent day.  I got up at 5pm.  My wife was asleep and so was my kid.  I had to slap myself when I woke up to make sure I wasn't having a nightmare.  I wasn't I was simply awake.

I watched TV and colored with crayons.  Not such a bad day.  Now I am thinking about yester-year and everything that comes with it.  Good gosh it was a nice time but was it worth it?

Nothing compares to you

I feel myself slowly fading away into the night.  Perhaps I should float away.

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