sad to say, but tomorrow is the day that we are unfortunately taking my very sick mother off of life support. my dad and two brothers r going tomorrow to say goodbye, although she is basically in a coma state and cannot hear anyone i dont think anyway..i have been to see her a few tim es in the hospital since this all happened, but i just cant stand to see her with all those tubes hooked up 2 her. basicall, does it make me a bad son or person for not going to tell her goodbye...i am really torn up about this and i told her i loved her last time i was there...zshould i feel guilty about not going tomorrow?
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sad to say, but tomorrow is the day that we are unfortunately taking my very sick mother off of life support. my dad and two brothers r going tomorrow to say goodbye, although she is basically in a coma state and cannot hear anyone i dont think anyway..i have been to see her a few tim es in the hospital since this all happened, but i just cant stand to see her with all those tubes hooked up 2 her. basicall, does it make me a bad son or person for not going to tell her goodbye...i am really torn up about this and i told her i loved her last time i was there...zshould i feel guilty about not going tomorrow?
The last people mothers and fathers almost always want to see when they leave this world are their sons or daughters...
Your mother is probably not in a coma as you perceive it. The hearing and touch functions are involuntary and work properly even when you believe the person is completely separated from this world mentally.
Go...give her a hug and a kiss...say goodbye in her ear with an I love you and stand by when it happens. You'll be able to live the rest of your life in peace and send her away properly.
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I would say goodbye man...
The last people mothers and fathers almost always want to see when they leave this world are their sons or daughters...
Your mother is probably not in a coma as you perceive it. The hearing and touch functions are involuntary and work properly even when you believe the person is completely separated from this world mentally.
Go...give her a hug and a kiss...say goodbye in her ear with an I love you and stand by when it happens. You'll be able to live the rest of your life in peace and send her away properly.
Probably no right/wrong answer on this, but if I were in your position I'd probably just go so there are no regrets later on and also to show support for your family members.
GL in whatever you choose.
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Probably no right/wrong answer on this, but if I were in your position I'd probably just go so there are no regrets later on and also to show support for your family members.
its hard saying goodbye, I was by my dads side holding his hand when he took his last breath back 5 years ago. You definitely should be there, and to also be a rock for the rest of your family. God Bless
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its hard saying goodbye, I was by my dads side holding his hand when he took his last breath back 5 years ago. You definitely should be there, and to also be a rock for the rest of your family. God Bless
It's not very often this choice is provided in any obvious, or unpreventable seen conclusion. The choice is ultimate yours. Several minutes cannot measure a life time. I wish you the best and our prayers. By the way I lost my Mom 2002 like one week after I visited her in her nursing home out of town.
This won't be easy any way you do it. Keep the faith.
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It's not very often this choice is provided in any obvious, or unpreventable seen conclusion. The choice is ultimate yours. Several minutes cannot measure a life time. I wish you the best and our prayers. By the way I lost my Mom 2002 like one week after I visited her in her nursing home out of town.
This won't be easy any way you do it. Keep the faith.
It's hard........my condolences...........but you won't get another chance to say goodbye. Go by yourself if it's easier for you..........but I would go.
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It's hard........my condolences...........but you won't get another chance to say goodbye. Go by yourself if it's easier for you..........but I would go.
If I'm you I don't go.You can not alter the script so I don't see any reason to burden yourself with the disturbing image of your mother with tubes and machines artificially keeping her technically alive.
You know and she knows that you are a good son so remember her in better times and don't put yourself through the unneccesary trauma of seeing her in a condition that she probably wouldn't even want you to have to endure.
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If I'm you I don't go.You can not alter the script so I don't see any reason to burden yourself with the disturbing image of your mother with tubes and machines artificially keeping her technically alive.
You know and she knows that you are a good son so remember her in better times and don't put yourself through the unneccesary trauma of seeing her in a condition that she probably wouldn't even want you to have to endure.
i think i will go early and tell her i love her and i will miss her, but i just cannoe be there when they take life support away!!
I think you will be happy you chose to say mgoodbye one last time or you would forever wonder "could she hear me..did she think I didnt care and wasnt there at the end"?
As far as when she is taken off life support, she may still live for a while ( I think Karen Ann Quinlan lived for 10 years ...although she was much younger ) You will second quess yourself regardless of your actions..think them through, and know there is no easy answer
I hope for everyones sake she goes quickly and peacefully
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Quote Originally Posted by tb2:
i think i will go early and tell her i love her and i will miss her, but i just cannoe be there when they take life support away!!
I think you will be happy you chose to say mgoodbye one last time or you would forever wonder "could she hear me..did she think I didnt care and wasnt there at the end"?
As far as when she is taken off life support, she may still live for a while ( I think Karen Ann Quinlan lived for 10 years ...although she was much younger ) You will second quess yourself regardless of your actions..think them through, and know there is no easy answer
I hope for everyones sake she goes quickly and peacefully
Go, I was in a similar situation a while back. I had 3 grandparents die within a 4 month span. I had never lost anyone close to me before that. My grandfather on my dads side was the first and I went to say goodbye, it was maybe the hardest thing I have had to do emotionally. He was struggling breathing and looked over at me and I told him I loved him and that he could go. I burst into tears and walked out. He died that night and I was glad I got the chance to tell him I loved him. By all means go, you can't go back and do this over.
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Go, I was in a similar situation a while back. I had 3 grandparents die within a 4 month span. I had never lost anyone close to me before that. My grandfather on my dads side was the first and I went to say goodbye, it was maybe the hardest thing I have had to do emotionally. He was struggling breathing and looked over at me and I told him I loved him and that he could go. I burst into tears and walked out. He died that night and I was glad I got the chance to tell him I loved him. By all means go, you can't go back and do this over.
I was in the hospital when my grandma died @ 100. She wasn't in a coma but was in and out of consciousness in the final hours. I held her hand and got a few words in and felt her squeezing back.
You will regret it if you don't go.
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I was in the hospital when my grandma died @ 100. She wasn't in a coma but was in and out of consciousness in the final hours. I held her hand and got a few words in and felt her squeezing back.
It sounds like you have made your peace with her going. If you are happy with not seeing her again then that is what matters most.
I had a Grandmother pass away with emphysema and it killed me to see her in her bed struggling for breathe. |n the end, I was happy and relieved when she left us because I knew that she could not suffer any further.
No one will begrudge you not going. Why would you want to see someone you love suffer? I've been there and their passing can be a relief. No one wants to see a Grandparent suffer through their last days.
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It sounds like you have made your peace with her going. If you are happy with not seeing her again then that is what matters most.
I had a Grandmother pass away with emphysema and it killed me to see her in her bed struggling for breathe. |n the end, I was happy and relieved when she left us because I knew that she could not suffer any further.
No one will begrudge you not going. Why would you want to see someone you love suffer? I've been there and their passing can be a relief. No one wants to see a Grandparent suffer through their last days.
Don't know what the state of relationship is between yourself and the two brothers and your father. But I can tell you this. If you don't go, your future relationship with them all will take a critical blow.
As much as this is about your mom, it is also about your dad and brothers. Although they may not say it, they want and need you there. Seize the day.
~~~~~ZOSO~~~~~
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Don't know what the state of relationship is between yourself and the two brothers and your father. But I can tell you this. If you don't go, your future relationship with them all will take a critical blow.
As much as this is about your mom, it is also about your dad and brothers. Although they may not say it, they want and need you there. Seize the day.
1. Dont fear the pain/discomfort... although hard, these feelings are temporary and will get better with time...
2. At first your choice might be for her or for other people, in the end you will see that you did it for you because no one else is really going to remember...
3. There are two universal truths about death...
A. We all die some time B. We all do it differently
There is no right/wrong answer here, I know that you want to "do the right thing", but in the end...
Beware of taking action based on "fear of regret" or the "right thing to do"...
Do not think/ask questions based on this mindset.... perception based on fear and black/white (right/wrong) is the root to suffering...
The way to think about it would be "what would my mom tell me to do"... you know her better then anyone and this is to honor her and what her wishes would be... This is a mindset that will help you heal from guilt/grief/loss also...
Remember guilt comes from thinking you did the wrong thing... and in this instance (like many in life), I can be honest with you that there is no wrong answer here so you cannot do the wrong thing no matter what you pick because your heart is in the right place...
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Heres some things I hope will be helpful...
1. Dont fear the pain/discomfort... although hard, these feelings are temporary and will get better with time...
2. At first your choice might be for her or for other people, in the end you will see that you did it for you because no one else is really going to remember...
3. There are two universal truths about death...
A. We all die some time B. We all do it differently
There is no right/wrong answer here, I know that you want to "do the right thing", but in the end...
Beware of taking action based on "fear of regret" or the "right thing to do"...
Do not think/ask questions based on this mindset.... perception based on fear and black/white (right/wrong) is the root to suffering...
The way to think about it would be "what would my mom tell me to do"... you know her better then anyone and this is to honor her and what her wishes would be... This is a mindset that will help you heal from guilt/grief/loss also...
Remember guilt comes from thinking you did the wrong thing... and in this instance (like many in life), I can be honest with you that there is no wrong answer here so you cannot do the wrong thing no matter what you pick because your heart is in the right place...
I've lost grandparents and aunts/uncles but never in the moment.
When my father died 17 years ago, I came back to the DC area to finish college in part because he needed me.. we weren't always close (parents divorced) but he and I took some trips during the 4 years he lived with it .. we reconnected and I am at peace knowing that he and I had made closure and that we loved one another.
Do what you feel you must .. I see SW 's point but also remember , you do have the brothers to deal with later in life.. I am an only child.. I would go see her personally ..
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I've lost grandparents and aunts/uncles but never in the moment.
When my father died 17 years ago, I came back to the DC area to finish college in part because he needed me.. we weren't always close (parents divorced) but he and I took some trips during the 4 years he lived with it .. we reconnected and I am at peace knowing that he and I had made closure and that we loved one another.
Do what you feel you must .. I see SW 's point but also remember , you do have the brothers to deal with later in life.. I am an only child.. I would go see her personally ..
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