I can relate, always joked about being a functional or social alcoholic among friends.
Would get blasted 3-4 days a week mainly on weekdays after work and an occasional weekend. I am talking solid drinking from 5 happy hour to 2am. Would always show up for work feeling shitty but got the job done for about 10 years. Only drank at local bars or clubs never at home.
Then it happened...DUI in March of last year. Went through all the required hoops the court made me jump through 20 AA's, DUI classes for 9 months, some community service and visit to the LA county morgue which I posted about last week.
Since the DUI I have only gotten drunk once. I was dropped off so gave myself no chance at driving home and had a friend pick me up which was a while ago. It was a life changer for me. I miss going out as it was a big part of my social life as well as most of my friends.
Now I sit at home most of the time doing crap around the house. I get crazy bored but don't want to risk another DUI if I happen to venture out. I think if I get fucked up enough I could potentially try to drive home so I just don't go out. I know could take a cab or get dropped off but figure fuck it my social life and friends were revolving around alcohol 100%, time to break the cycle.
I still don't think I am an alcoholic per se, I think I am just addicted to the social aspect of it. I don't crave alcohol but do miss chillin out in bars shooting dirt and watching games with people.
I do have an occasional beer every few weeks at home but its only 1 and when I know I am not going to be driving for the rest of the day. Last week I had 1 beer and only drank half threw it away, I am not interested in drinking unless I am at a bar.
I work from home now so it makes it worse since I lost the social aspect of working at an office. My friends think I have become a hermit and don't talk to them much anymore. Just got to figure out things to do that do not involve drinking for social interaction. I occasionally drop by the AA group just to get out and keep me in check. They are a bunch of crusty old men and funny as hell.
Maybe I am in denial about being an alcoholic I dunno, but like I said I have no craving for it just the desire to hang out in bars.
Anyway guess I needed to vent.
Congrats to you sir on your 1 year "birthday".
Have been where you are mentally. Sounds like you are at least giving it all some thought. I'm in the club and spend months totally fine with that and then I'd start to remember like you said having no cravings etc, and would talk myself right back into the partying life. Not saying thats you by any means it just sounded familar.
But the hermit thing is what you make of it. I went from never missing a weekend out ever with friends to realizing I probably could never attend one again at least at this point and thst sucked. So when the majority of your plans involved those activites and you cut them ouut