Super Bowl 59 has just about arrived and while the Philadelphia Eagles try to stop a Kansas City Chiefs’ three-peat, most viewers will not really care about that result. Do not be offended, Eagles or Chiefs fans, this is simply a reality of any event with well more than 100 million viewers.
One sportsbook has set the Over/Under on viewership at 118.5 million, up a million from last year’s prop, with the Over heavily juiced. If considering that, let’s point out that last year’s result was estimated at 123.7 million by Nielsen, the metric used to judge that bet. If considering that Under, you want to cheer for a blowout.
Of those 100+ million, many viewers are more concerned about the celebrities in the stands. They will wonder more about the broadcast than the play calls.
So instead of diving into hardcore Super Bowl odds or NFL picks, let’s look into some fun broadcast markets for the millions more interested in the entertainment than the football.
Super Bowl Broadcast Props
Primary colour of Tom Brady’s tie
- Blue +154
- Grey +215
- Black +280
- No Tie +430
- Red +870
- Pink +1060
- Green +1100
- Yellow +1100
Yes, that is “colour” with a “u,” as this market is available via FanDuel in Ontario, and Canadians continue to use an additional “u” in words like “colour” or “labour” because Canadian newspapers did not charge by the letter for classified advertisements in the 19th century.
One of the perks of this bet is you will have it settled before the game commences. FOX will undoubtedly show Tom Brady and Kevin Burkhardt in a booth view before kickoff, probably before the National Anthem is performed by Jon Batiste.
Now let’s rule out “No Tie” and focus on the Top 3. The challenge may be differentiating between a dark blue, a dark grey, and a black. Given grey goes with more suit colors and better fits Brady’s complexion, my personal bet will be on grey at +215.
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How many times will three-peat be said?
- Over 1.5 (-200)
- Under 1.5 (+150)
This may hinge on game state. The first mention of “three-peat” should come in the introduction. Burkhardt should acknowledge the Chiefs are chasing the first three-peat in the NFL since, brace yourself, the 1965-67 Green Bay Packers. Yes, that first ring came the year before the Super Bowl was invented.
If you think that is a long time, recognize no one has three-peated in college football since the Minnesota Golden Gophers in 1934-36. The last of the four major North American sports to see a three-peat was the NBA with the 2000-02 Los Angeles Lakers.
The point is, Burkhardt should mention this possibility up top. It is something we do not see often, and even the most casual fans will note the potential. My usual litmus test on these items is, “Would my mother understand the magnitude?” Here, the answer is a strong "yes."
Will Burkhardt mention the three-peat again after the early minutes? At the risk of angering Pat Riley, logic says Burkhardt will. Either Kansas City will three-peat, and it needs to be mentioned, or Philadelphia will deny the three-peat, and Burkhardt will have reason to underscore the optical upset (if hardly a gambling upset).
Which NOLA landmark will be shown first?
- Bourbon Street -550
- St. Louis Cathedral +400
- Preservation Hall +800
There may be no more sure bet than this -550 on Bourbon Street showing up first on the broadcast amid New Orleans landmarks.
The city has a complicated relationship with its most famous tourist destination. Relatively few locals frequent Bourbon Street, but they also know how much money it brings into the region.
The New Year’s Day terrorist attack struck the city deeply. As someone who was in New Orleans that week, the overwhelming emotion from locals was, “Why here? What have we ever done but be welcoming? You know what? Now we are going to be even more welcoming.”
There is no camera shot that will emphasize that reaction, but a nod to Bourbon Street only 40 days after that terrorist attack would be appropriate from the FOX broadcast.
Will they play Johnny Cash or Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt” into commercials?
- Yes +150
Will they play John Cougar Mellencamp’s “Hurts So Good” into commercials?
- Yes +150
The sportsbooks are not offering “No” as an option, but let’s give credit for preemptively expecting some subtle puns off Jalen Hurts’ name.
Playing the Johnny Cash cover of Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt” may be a bit too on-point for the world this week, but it is such an excellent song, that pain could be forgiven.
Which book will AJ Brown be reading on the sideline?
- Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for The Heartbroken +700
- The Bible +900
- Shakespeare +900
- The Catcher in The Rye +1000
- Fifty Shades of Grey +2000
- Football for Dummies +5000
To be clear, this bet voids if Brown is never seen reading a book during the game. And a pile of other books are included. Those are just the highlights.
Of the 20 listed, let’s chalk up five of them as complete jokes, including “Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See?” Of the remaining 15, five are genuinely on my office bookshelf. Looking at others on the shelf, Brown should also consider …
- “The Naked and The Dead” by Norman Mailer — A typical New Orleans goal is to achieve only the former, never the latter.
- “A Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole — A New Orleans classic.
- “The Republic” by Plato — No other book on this bookshelf has been read more often.
Not intended for use in MA.
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